Where'd I go???

Forgive my absence, gentle readers if you actually exist. (Check view count.) Okay, some of you must exist, as I couldn't have reviewed my blog quite *that* many times. Life and an growing addiction to Star Wars The Old Republic have conspired to take me away from you, but never fear, expect a very special video version of one of my reviews to come soon!

A brief thought on Asylum Studios...

Do you know who Asylum Studios are? It's okay if you don't off hand, they're responsible mostly for direct-to-DVD films that are not worth watching and have names similar to big name films in theaters for the express purpose of tricking people into buying them.

Yeeeah.

But they're also responsible for other things. One of which ended up being one of the most discussed movies of last year....

Yeah. Oh god. A movie sold simply on the premise of the title alone. It was a made-for-TV film for SyFy, and captured some of the highest ratings of 2013. Because idiots. Anyway, due to its overwhelming success...a sequel was quickly announced for this year.

Flash forward to yesterday, when Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett formerly of MST3k and currently of Rifftrax announced that Sharknado would be the next Rifftrax LIVE! event this July. So out of morbid curiosity I nipped over to IMDB to check who was involved with the continuing trainwreck beyond the surviving cast. And what names did I see? Billy Ray Cyrus. Perez Hilton. ANDY DICK.

And then it hit me: Asylum has cracked the code to success. It's not about mixing an animal name with an adjective or natural disaster. It's not about tricking people into buying your shit.

It's about getting people to watch as you have some of the most loathed quasi-celebrities possible killed in extremely messy fashion. The instant I saw the words ANDY DICK listed in the cast list, I knew I'd have to watch out of a vain desire to see the weird little bastard get chomped.

However, I will accept Ziering having to cut his way out of Andy Dick with a chainsaw.

Is..is it really that easy to get people to watch? 1: Make crazy-ass movie. 2: Plan Sequel. 3: Cast Sequel with actors/celebs that the viewing public would cheer to see get killed. 4: PROFIT.

I think I need to work on my Squiddicane spec-script.

Dammit, Stop Flirting, Grace!

Another visit back to historic Germany and Gabriel Knight 2, where the mystery around Ludwig just gets sillier. Ah well, #LetsPlay!

Star Trek Meets Transformers?

No, really. Turns out the Borg built Devastator. Star Trek: The Return says so!

A quick update

I've made some changes to the Gabriel Knight 2 LP just for ease of viewing. Also, a new update, which is always nice I'm sure. :)

Something I should make clear:

I do not hate Star Wars or Star Trek. However, the sheer doofiness of both their expanded universes makes good comedy fodder and as such, I give it a hard time for the sake of making people laugh a little. If you don't, I'm sorry. If you do, I'm glad to hear it because with the world in the state it's in, we could all use a bit of Ha-Ha in our lives.

Anyway, there's a new chapter of Star Trek: The Return up for your amusement!

All my LP's are running together.

Seriously, I've got the forboding dreams of Gabriel Knight 1, the tunnels from PHANTASMAGORRRRIA!!!, (as well as the tarot reading), and the blind rage caused by The 7th Guest.


Oh well, another update for The Beast Within is up and running now.

Wow, I had no idea that Germans were so intense!

Seriously, this Von Zell dick in Gabriel Knight 2 is an asshole.


Maybe a murderer too.


But mostly an asshole.

Entirely Pointless?

I really don't get a lot of these parts in Star Trek: The Return. So many things are addressed and just as quickly dismissed. It's maddening.

What the flying monkey hell?

This entire game is like playing Sudoku with Arnold Schwarzenegger standing over your shoulder screaming one liners and puns. Let's Play The 7th Guest!!

This Is So Wrong...

It's time for horror....Let's Play PHANTASMAGORRRRRRRRRRRRRRIA!!!!!

Holy Guest Writer!

SirPhoebos of SomethingAwful.com decided to get in on the action and read Star Wars: Red Harvest so no-one else ever has to.

Actually, someone else must've because that's the only reason I can think that Joe Schrieber got permission to write a Darth Maul novel.

God how I loathe Joe Schrieber.

And So It Begins....

We'll be venturing into the Star Trek Shatnerverse with what amounts to a fanfic written by Shatner himself....Star Trek: The Return!!



Prepare for pain.

Here We Go Again...

After the Voodoo Murders, let's see some Mutilation Killings! Let's Play The Beast Within: A Gabriel Knight Mystery!!

Also, I guess it goes without saying that...

Space Dragons, Whining, and Weird pre-9/11 Parallels

Oh God, it's The New Rebellion starring Skeletor and his Masters of Evil!!

A Quick Update....

1. I don't want to give people the impression that I hate the Star Wars Expanded Universe, because I don't. There is certainly some good stuff in there (most of it by Tim Zahn), but it's still fun to poke at the silliness of some of it.

2. Currently working on Star Wars: The New Rebellion for your enjoyment. For the record, it does not fall under the "some good stuff" banner. I'd finished about 75% of it for SomethingAwful.com a year or 3 ago, so I figured I better just finish the damn thing and be over and done with.

3. For future Let's Reads I am open to suggestions! More Star Wars silliness? Let some of the Star Trek universe have it? I leave it to you!

Oh God, the Pain....

Both Dark Empire 2 and Empire's End are up now. Allow me to summarize my feelings towards the entire series.

MY EYES!!!

And now, the watercolored horror that is Star Wars: Dark Empire I!!

Prepare For Awesomeness!

Do I love the book?


Yes.
Will I flame it?

Absolutely. Let's read Darth Bane: Path of Destruction!

Get Your Stinking Resident Evil Out Of My Star Wars!

And now, I've revived my Death Troopers Let's Read! Which I got flamed horribly for on YouTube, but I don't care because THE BOOK FUCKING SUCKS!!!

Leopard Fur??

Oh Cajun Tim Curry, you rule. Now posting Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Fathers!

Hello and welcome to my list of Let's Plays and Let's Reads! Most of these started life on SomethingAwful.com in some form or another, and I felt it was time to start compile it together so as to not lose my attempts at comedy. So please, read and enjoy!