So now, I'm going a bit off the beaten path. Unlike my previous reviews, where I experienced various levels of loathing for the writing in question, I actually really like this book. A lot. Darth Bane is possibly my favorite character in the entire EU. Is he a Gary Stu? Yeah, I suppose so. Do the books have flaws? Sure.
Does this mean I'm going to go easy on it?
Hell no. Let's hit it!
Prologue
We open about a thousand years prior to the rise of Palpatine, with a Sith Lord by the name of Lord Kaan.
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| KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!! |
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| Kopecz: The Old Republic version of Sally Struthers |
Qordis is pleased with the victory, as "it has been too long since the Sith had an academy on Korriban". Kaan starts commenting about how they will provide him with new soldiers, proving immediately that the concept of the Brotherhood is utter bullshit, just like regular communism.
Kopecz catches him at it, and Kaan brushes it aside as "a slip of the tongue". He further elaborates that the final victory against the Jedi and Republic has started on Korriban, the ancient birthplace of the Sith. (Like I said, carpet-bomb the fucking place already!) Kopecz blows it off, and says the war is far from over.
Chapter 1
We're going to jump three years ahead now, to meet a character named Des. Des is a cortosis miner on the world of Apatros. Cortosis has popped up from time to time in the EU as one of the only substances in the universe that a lightsaber can't cut through. The author elaborates that it's also highly resistant to blaster fire. It's also a complete pain in the ass to mine: the mining tools quickly break down, the dust from the mining clogs everything, and there's also some other side effects that we'll go into in a chapter or two.
Anyway, Des has been on shift for about 6 hours and is thinking that the vibrations of the jack he's using are going to vibrate his teeth loose. We also learn that the miners are paid by volume of ore mined. And the mining company, ORO Mining, just buys the cheapest fucking equipment possible. As such, Des's tool chooses that exact moment to break down completely.
At that point, another miner named Gerd tells Des to piss off because he's going to mine this area now. Gerd is an older miner who used to hang out with Des's father, and Des quickly surmises that Gerd isn't here to mine, he's here to pick a fight. See, today is the 5th anniversary of Des's father, Hurst's death. And Hurst hated Des for some reason, calling him the bane of his existence so much that he made it a nickname for him. Bane. Subtle.
We're going to jump three years ahead now, to meet a character named Des. Des is a cortosis miner on the world of Apatros. Cortosis has popped up from time to time in the EU as one of the only substances in the universe that a lightsaber can't cut through. The author elaborates that it's also highly resistant to blaster fire. It's also a complete pain in the ass to mine: the mining tools quickly break down, the dust from the mining clogs everything, and there's also some other side effects that we'll go into in a chapter or two.
Anyway, Des has been on shift for about 6 hours and is thinking that the vibrations of the jack he's using are going to vibrate his teeth loose. We also learn that the miners are paid by volume of ore mined. And the mining company, ORO Mining, just buys the cheapest fucking equipment possible. As such, Des's tool chooses that exact moment to break down completely.
At that point, another miner named Gerd tells Des to piss off because he's going to mine this area now. Gerd is an older miner who used to hang out with Des's father, and Des quickly surmises that Gerd isn't here to mine, he's here to pick a fight. See, today is the 5th anniversary of Des's father, Hurst's death. And Hurst hated Des for some reason, calling him the bane of his existence so much that he made it a nickname for him. Bane. Subtle.
Anyway, once Des (we'll just keep calling him by his birth name for now, kay?) realizes that this guy Gerd isn't gonna back off, he pretty much resigns himself to kicking the shit out of a guy who's at least 20 years older than him and stands about 2 feet shorter. But Gerd has an advantage: he hasn't spent the last 6 hours working his ass off. Des suffers a back spasm early in the fight, giving Gerd an advantage where he tries to gouge out Des's eye with his thumb.
Des then gives in to his anger, has a flash of insight, knows exactly where Gerd is going to try to land his thumb next, and bites the fucking thing off.
See why I love this guy?
Needless to say, all the fight goes out of Gerd at that point, he's rolling on the ground, crying like a pussy while Des just casually spits his thumb out next to him. He decides to leave Gerd in his misery, because reattaching a thumb is a piece of cake for Old Republic medicine, and his bosses really won't give a tin shit.
So Des has been suspended without pay until Gerd is able to work again, and we find out what kind of scam ORO Mining is running here. Y'see, ORO provides room, board, et al, but they take the cost out of your pay. Can't afford rent this month? Well ORO would be happy to loan you the money at 50% interest! Essentially, it's a borderline legal form of slavery. And when Des's father died, guess who has to pay back all that money? Yep.
Needless to say, Des is more than a little choked about the situation. Luckily, there are other ways to earn credits on Apatros which he can put towards his debt. He asks a coworker if any ships have arrived, and is told that a Republic military cargo ship arrived earlier. And if there's one thing military personnel like to do off duty, it's gamble.
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| Pictured: ORO's Chief Financial Officer hard at work. |
Groshik points out the Republic "recruiters", as the off duty officers spend a lot of time trying to get miners to join up. Unfortunately for them, the Republic makes sure that outstanding debts are paid to "legitimate" corporations. In other words, you sign up expecting to get away from your debt, and instead your wages are garnished to pay it off.
Allow me to sum up ORO's business policy: Fuck you, pay me.
Des doesn't care about the recruitment speech, he'd listen to it constantly as long as it means that the Republic officers keep gambling. Groshik jokes that Des heard about the ship and deliberately picked a fight so he could come clean them out, but Des replies it's just a happy coincidence. He spends some time watching them gamble, trying to figure out their tells and whatnot.
Allow me to sum up ORO's business policy: Fuck you, pay me.
Des doesn't care about the recruitment speech, he'd listen to it constantly as long as it means that the Republic officers keep gambling. Groshik jokes that Des heard about the ship and deliberately picked a fight so he could come clean them out, but Des replies it's just a happy coincidence. He spends some time watching them gamble, trying to figure out their tells and whatnot.
Sabaac Primer
Played with a deck that's a sort of a combination of a regular deck of cards with some Tarot cards spliced in. The point of the game is to get a score as close to 23 as possible. Getting a score of 23 is considered a "Pure Sabaac", which wins a separate Sabaac pot. The only thing that beats 23 is what's called an "Idiot's Array", where you have the Idiot card (worth 0 points), a 2, and a 3. So, literally 23. Also, there are only 2 Idiot cards in the 72-card deck. This is important.
Des pays particular attention to an Ensign who keeps trying to get a Pure Sabaac instead of winning individual hands, and a commander who plays a lot more smartly. Des is also getting a feeling that he's going to win big tonight. Groshik wishes Des luck as he heads over to join the table.
Chapter 3
Des pays particular attention to an Ensign who keeps trying to get a Pure Sabaac instead of winning individual hands, and a commander who plays a lot more smartly. Des is also getting a feeling that he's going to win big tonight. Groshik wishes Des luck as he heads over to join the table.
Chapter 3
Des takes a seat at the table and has to have his buy-in added to his existing debt with ORO. The ensign makes a comment about Des's height, about two meters, that maybe he's a Wookiee somebody shaved as a prank. All this does is piss Des off, and the commander at the table can tell. He quickly tries to defuse the situation, asking Des if he can take a joke. Des responds that he'd much rather take their credits.
As the game goes on, one of the soldiers asks Des why the human miners shave their heads? Des responds that they don't.
"The filters don’t remove all the impurities from the air. You work ten-hour shifts day in and day out, and the contaminants build up in your system," He spoke in a flat, neutral voice. There was no bitterness; for him and the rest of the miners it was just a fact of life. "It has side effects. We get sick a lot; our hair falls out. We’re supposed to take a few days off now and again, but ever since ORO signed those Republic military contracts the mines never shut down. Basically, we’re being slowly poisoned to make sure your cargo hold’s full when you leave."
Needless to say, that kills any more attempts at small talk. As the game goes on, Des starts getting "hunches" about when good cards are coming up. A group of miners leaves the table, the night shift, and more Republic soldiers sit down. And that's when they start trying to recruit him. They claim to have the Sith on the run, as they're now under the command of General Hoth, a Jedi.
Des personally believes that the stories of what the Force is capable of is utter bullshit, mainly because if it was so damn powerful, why hadn't one side or the other won the war yet? He comments out loud that he hates the idea of the Jedi code of no emotion, it's like they want everyone to be droids. In response, the soldiers remind Des that the Republic Senate declared the Sith an illegal organization just after the events of KOTOR. Des responds that the Sith would probably do the same thing if they were in charge instead of the Jedi. Another soldier comments about how the Sith are bloodthirsty killers, and Des laughs it off.
Des personally believes that the stories of what the Force is capable of is utter bullshit, mainly because if it was so damn powerful, why hadn't one side or the other won the war yet? He comments out loud that he hates the idea of the Jedi code of no emotion, it's like they want everyone to be droids. In response, the soldiers remind Des that the Republic Senate declared the Sith an illegal organization just after the events of KOTOR. Des responds that the Sith would probably do the same thing if they were in charge instead of the Jedi. Another soldier comments about how the Sith are bloodthirsty killers, and Des laughs it off.
"How dare they try to kill you in the middle of a war! Don't they know you're trying to kill them?"
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| Des to Republic: "Fuck. You." |
Needless to say, this gets a reaction. Just about everyone at the table is riled up now, angry as hell, and not thinking clearly. Just where Des wants 'em.
Chapter 4
Chapter 4
At this point, most of the soldiers are trying to kick Des's ass at cards in response to him insulting the Jedi and Republic. Which is causing the Sabaac pot to start growing drastically. Eventually though, the only ones remaining are Des and the ensign who called him a shaved wookiee. The table pot eventually hits the maximum of 10000 credits, and Des starts to have a sinking feeling that his hunch about winning big was wrong, he's now down about a thousand himself, and the ensign is acting rather smug about it. As such, Des starts to hate him with a burning white-hot anger.
And he pulls a two, and then a 3 as his cards. The ensign looks at his cards and starts laughing, because he has an Idiot, a 2, and a 3. He starts to grab for the pot, but Des flips over his last card. An Idiot. They've tied. The crowd watching goes wild, never having seen that before. The ensign however is pissed, because now they have to each draw another card, and whoever has the highest score now wins. And there's no way that either of them can pull a 23 on one more card. They are each dealt another card. They both get 9's. As the tie is continued, they're both dealt another card. The ensign gets an 8. Des gets a 9. 9+9+2+3+0. 23. Des wins the big pot.
The ensign goes nuts and tries to flip the table, but it's too heavy. He accuses Des of cheating, the dealer droid of being in on it, and actually the entire mining population of Apatros. He doesn't go on to accuse the entire Outer Rim of being in on it, but that's mostly because a miner in the crowd throws a beer bottle at him to shut him up. Groshik jumps up on the bar with a blaster, and tells everyone to get out. Except Des. After everyone else leaves, Groshik explains that he figured that the soldiers might gang up on him outside. In the meantime, he wants Des to help clean the bar. Afterwards, he pours them both some wookiee brandy, and comments that Des had pushed the crowd and the ensign to a breaking point somehow. That he had never seen Des that angry. Groshik elaborates that it was like Des was giving off anger and hate, so much that Groshik had to resist the urge to start firing into the crowd.
Groshik warns Des to be careful, and sees him out.
Chapter 5
So when we left Des, he had just cleaned up at sabaac. He’s wandering down the dark streets of Apatros (ORO Mining also charges outrageous rates for electricity), when he’s ambushed by 4 people from the shadows. One of them swings a metal pipe at his head, he dodges, and crushes another of his attackers’ faces with his fist. He barely avoids the pipe again, and quickly figures out that it’s the ensign and two of his buddies.
Des figures that they never had a chance to go get their blasters, and wades in fists flying. Before too long though, he spots a knife in one of his attacker’s hands, which is glowing for some reason, and expertly defends himself by driving the blade back into its wielder.
Yeah, Des just killed that ensign.
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| ”Just like a Republic Wop, bring a knife to a Sith fight!” |
The other soldiers, being pussies, run off to go tell on Des. Des pauses for a minute to wonder how come the knife was glowing, and then decides he has more to worry about. Like the coming manhunt against him. As he thinks of it, the authorities are more likely to believe upstanding soldiers of the Republic than a miner with a history of fights...who actually bit off one guy’s thumb in a fight not a few hours before. Yeaaah, Sorry Des, but I’m gonna have to agree, you’ve got no chance with the authorities.
Des considers his options. Go home? Get arrested. Hide in the mines? Short term ok, get arrested eventually. Hide in the wilderness? Cook in the baking sun. He decides he has exactly one option: Groshik.
Des heads back to the Cantina and Groshik bundles him inside, asking if it was Gerd. Upon being told that it was the ensign, Groshik swears loudly. Des explains he was outnumbered, but only the ensign is dead. Groshik just nods and agrees that he had it coming. He pours some more wookiee brandy, and thinks for a few minutes, and then states the obvious. ORO will turn him in faster than he can blink, Des kinda stands out in a crowd because of his size, so going off-world isn’t an option unless he keeps out of Republic space....
There was another long pause, as if the bartender was gathering himself. "How would you feel about joining the Sith?" he suddenly blurted out.
Yep, Groshik has contacts. He flat out states he doesn’t work for the Sith, he just knows people there, same as he knows people in the Republic. He tells Des his options are 5-6 in a penal colony, or join up with an organization that respects strength, power, and won’t spend the rest of his natural life ripping him off.
I think you all can guess where this is going, right?
Des agrees, and Groshik starts making preparations to get him the hell off world. Des promises to repay him for this next time they meet, but Groshik shrugs it off, stating he knows damn well they aren’t going to meet again. He offers some advice “Don’t rely on others, we’re all out for ourselves.”
I think you all can guess where this is going, right?
Des agrees, and Groshik starts making preparations to get him the hell off world. Des promises to repay him for this next time they meet, but Groshik shrugs it off, stating he knows damn well they aren’t going to meet again. He offers some advice “Don’t rely on others, we’re all out for ourselves.”
Des ends up crammed in a smuggler’s cargo compartment, listening to ORO security look for him quickly on the ship. He quickly figures that ORO probably hasn’t put out a bounty, otherwise the Rodian running this heap would’ve turned him in already. He spends some time considering his fortune: All he ever wanted was to be free of ORO, and although he’d rather not have killed a guy to do it, well, the ends justify the means, right?
Right?
Chapter 6
So about a year has gone by, and Des is now a sergeant in the Sith army, with a unit loyal to him: The Gloom Walkers. Right now, they're stationed on a world called Phaseera, waiting for orders to attack a Republic base in the jungles. He and the rest of his team are just checking and rechecking their gear. And to be honest, Des is pretty happy with how things have turned out. He actually has friends now. His unit even has a secret salute of a sort, two taps of a closed fist over the heart. His second in command, Adanar wanders over, and asks if Des knows when they're attacking yet. When Des responds in the negative, Adanar complains about the 2 days of waiting they've endured so far.
We find out that originally, the Gloom Walkers were just another cannon-fodder style unit...until a certain someone joined them. At that point, the Gloom Walkers became one of the Sith's elite forces. Adanar then begins to pace, and Des tells him to chill out. Apparently there's a Lieutenant Ulabore in charge of the Gloom Walkers...but it's in name only. Ulabore is the Frank Burns to Des's Hawkeye. Well, Hawkeye's mirror universe double, but sans beard because of the cortosis poisoning.
So about a year has gone by, and Des is now a sergeant in the Sith army, with a unit loyal to him: The Gloom Walkers. Right now, they're stationed on a world called Phaseera, waiting for orders to attack a Republic base in the jungles. He and the rest of his team are just checking and rechecking their gear. And to be honest, Des is pretty happy with how things have turned out. He actually has friends now. His unit even has a secret salute of a sort, two taps of a closed fist over the heart. His second in command, Adanar wanders over, and asks if Des knows when they're attacking yet. When Des responds in the negative, Adanar complains about the 2 days of waiting they've endured so far.
We find out that originally, the Gloom Walkers were just another cannon-fodder style unit...until a certain someone joined them. At that point, the Gloom Walkers became one of the Sith's elite forces. Adanar then begins to pace, and Des tells him to chill out. Apparently there's a Lieutenant Ulabore in charge of the Gloom Walkers...but it's in name only. Ulabore is the Frank Burns to Des's Hawkeye. Well, Hawkeye's mirror universe double, but sans beard because of the cortosis poisoning.
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| First GIS Result for "Evil Bald Alan Alda". Go figure. |
The story of how Ulabore was essentially demoted to figurehead is interesting. Apparently the Gloom Walkers were sent to Kashyyyk, and by the way that just happened to be Des's first mission. Needless to say, it went about as well as the Battle of Kashyyyk depicted in RotS. The wookiees just retreated into the jungle, and turned into a war of attrition, as the Sith Lords just kept dumping troops into the jungle. The Gloom Walkers were part of the surge. Needless to say, Ulabore panicked, crapped his pants, and started asking for advice in a panic. Des stepped up and began sensing where the wookiees were hiding, and was able to guide them to rejoin the main force. By the end of it, the soldiers knew Des had saved their collective bacon. Ulabore knew it was best to keep his trap shut, and promoted Des.
Back to the mission at hand, the plan is the eliminate the Republic outpost that controls the long-range sensing equipment that watches the approaches to a large manufacturing facility. Needless to say, this is a pinpoint operation with critical timing. And with those words, problems are bound to happen. In fact, Des flat out admits having a bad feeling about the operation, which prompts Adanar to have flashbacks to the Trandoshan city of Hsskhor. Apparently the Republic survivors fled to the world that just happened to be the one that hates Wookiees more than anything. Good move. Anyway, twenty units of Sith Soldiery caught up with the Republic just outside the city of Hsskhor. Through the whole thing, the hairs on the back of Des' neck were just prickling like mad. Finally, when nightfall hit, the Trandoshans started massacring both the Republic and Sith forces. While the Republic forces were effectively annihilated, over half the Sith forces were wiped out. Remember, these are the guys who a thousand years later would give us Bossk. I suspect some degree of inbreeding was involved.
Des insists that this operation won't be a repeat of the Hsskhor disaster, even though he's still got a weird feeling. Ulabore then calls a briefing to announce the battle plan: they're going to launch the attack in an hour. Which means it'll be about mid-afternoon. Which means that they'll be seen that much more easily, which means that they'll be slaughtered. Des questions the command, asking if perhaps they meant an hour after sunset? Ulabore gets all pissy, insisting that Des needs to shut up and be a good soldier. Des figures that Ulabore knows his orders are wrong, but is too big a pussy to question them. Realizing his options, Des decides to do the only logical thing.
He cold-cocks Ulabore.
Des insists that this operation won't be a repeat of the Hsskhor disaster, even though he's still got a weird feeling. Ulabore then calls a briefing to announce the battle plan: they're going to launch the attack in an hour. Which means it'll be about mid-afternoon. Which means that they'll be seen that much more easily, which means that they'll be slaughtered. Des questions the command, asking if perhaps they meant an hour after sunset? Ulabore gets all pissy, insisting that Des needs to shut up and be a good soldier. Des figures that Ulabore knows his orders are wrong, but is too big a pussy to question them. Realizing his options, Des decides to do the only logical thing.
He cold-cocks Ulabore.
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| Oh Jesus jumped-up Christ, Google. That is SOOOO not what I meant! |
In response, they salute him en masse.
Adamar comments that Ulabore's going to have his hide, and Des responds simply that high command will want to pin medals on Ulabore for the victory they're about to have.
Chapter 7
So Des and his Gloom Walkers have arrived at the outpost, and have it surrounded in the dark. Des has some pre-battle jitters, but is able to convert his fear into anger and hate, which he feels will bring him victory. All the soldiers are waiting on him to signal the attack, which starts with the first shot they fire. But yeah, there's a problem: gunships. They're grounded, but Des doesn't want to give them a chance to get off the ground. However, each of the gunships has a repeating cannon on the back, and those are manned. So the second the shot is fired, all those repeaters will open fire, and his unit will get ripped apart. He borrows a rifle from his team's sniper and scans the compound. There are 9 gunners in all, and the sniper flat out admits, yeah, there's no fucking way she can take out all 9 fast enough.
So Des feels fear start to flood him, and he quickly makes himself hate the Republic. A lot. So much that he takes out three of the gunners so fast that by the time the third one is shot, the first one is just hitting the ground. One of the Republic soldiers sets off a flare to mask them from the sniper, but, quite frankly, Des doesn't give a fuck. 3 seconds later, the rest of the gunners are dead. He casually hands the sniper back her rifle, and she damn near drops it in shock. Des orders her to wake the fuck up and attack. Within 3 hours, Des has secured the facility. He leaves Adanar in charge and returns to base...where Ulabore is awake, and pissed off.
He's summoned the Sith equivalent of MP's, has Des arrested, and starts to gloat. A couple of Des's people start casually reaching for their weapons, but Des shakes his head. He resists the urge to kill Ulabore, figuring that the MP's will drop him instantly, but if he actually has a proper court-martial, he has a chance.
Call me crazy, but the idea of the Sith having any kind of court-martial that doesn't involve a blaster to the base of the skull leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Ulabore slaps Des, orders the MP's to take him away...and as Des leaves he sees the look in the eyes of his men. A look that says that Ulabore isn't going to survive their next foray into combat. Now THAT is a Sith attitude, right there!
Des is lead to a makeshift holding facility, and one of the MP's orders a sentry to fetch Lord Kopecz. Yeah, the same one from the start of the book.
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| "Hi, I'll be a semi-regular character from now on!" |
So Des is shoved in a cell, he falls asleep for a bit, wonders if the Sith are just going to let him starve in here, and he really has to take a leak. Finally, someone comes to the cell and informs the guards that he will deal with Des on Korriban.
Chapter 8
So Des is let out of the cell, gets a bite to eat, pees, cleans up, and gets on board a transport for Korriban. Once there, he's led deep within the Sith temple where he meets with Kopecz. Kopecz explains that he will be Des's judge, and any judgement is final. Des nods in agreement.
Kopecz comments that Des is neither a friend of the Republic or Jedi, and Des agrees with a "What has the Republic ever done for me??" Kopecz asks why Des refused orders, and Des flat out says that the orders were wrong. Kopecz elaborates that Des's service record shows a history of performing some amazing feats, and asks Des if he knows why he's been brought to Korriban?
Des replies that it feels like he's being chosen for something.
Kopecz asks him what he knows about the Force, the Jedi, and the Brotherhood. Des replies Not much, pure contempt, and he thinks the stories about the Brotherhood are exaggerated. Kopecz lets him know they are not, and that all of Des's abilities are simply the unconscious touching of the Dark Side. He then offers to help Des unlock his true potential. But he won't return to the front lines. Des regrets not being able to say goodbye to his unit, but remembers what Groshik told him about not counting on others, so instead says fuck it and accepts Kopecz's offer.
Kopecz tells Des that new students usually choose to leave their old lives behind, and begin anew with a new name. It's not mandatory, but it is something he can choose to do right now. Des decides to take something that used to make him weak, and flip it on its head.
So he calls himself Bane. Not a huge surprise, but at least we can call him by his proper name now. Anyway, we cut away to a meeting between Kopecz and Qordis about Bane, Qordis suspects a plot against him, but Kopecz calls him an idiot for thinking that way, after all, they're a Brotherhood now. Kopecz repeatedly comments on how powerful Bane is, and he could even be something called the Sith'ari. Qordis just tells him to shut the fuck up and let him train Bane before they call him anything.
So Des is let out of the cell, gets a bite to eat, pees, cleans up, and gets on board a transport for Korriban. Once there, he's led deep within the Sith temple where he meets with Kopecz. Kopecz explains that he will be Des's judge, and any judgement is final. Des nods in agreement.
Kopecz comments that Des is neither a friend of the Republic or Jedi, and Des agrees with a "What has the Republic ever done for me??" Kopecz asks why Des refused orders, and Des flat out says that the orders were wrong. Kopecz elaborates that Des's service record shows a history of performing some amazing feats, and asks Des if he knows why he's been brought to Korriban?
Des replies that it feels like he's being chosen for something.
Kopecz asks him what he knows about the Force, the Jedi, and the Brotherhood. Des replies Not much, pure contempt, and he thinks the stories about the Brotherhood are exaggerated. Kopecz lets him know they are not, and that all of Des's abilities are simply the unconscious touching of the Dark Side. He then offers to help Des unlock his true potential. But he won't return to the front lines. Des regrets not being able to say goodbye to his unit, but remembers what Groshik told him about not counting on others, so instead says fuck it and accepts Kopecz's offer.
Kopecz tells Des that new students usually choose to leave their old lives behind, and begin anew with a new name. It's not mandatory, but it is something he can choose to do right now. Des decides to take something that used to make him weak, and flip it on its head.
So he calls himself Bane. Not a huge surprise, but at least we can call him by his proper name now. Anyway, we cut away to a meeting between Kopecz and Qordis about Bane, Qordis suspects a plot against him, but Kopecz calls him an idiot for thinking that way, after all, they're a Brotherhood now. Kopecz repeatedly comments on how powerful Bane is, and he could even be something called the Sith'ari. Qordis just tells him to shut the fuck up and let him train Bane before they call him anything.
Chapter 9
The chapter starts with a quote of the Sith Code, which I'll reproduce for you now:
The chapter starts with a quote of the Sith Code, which I'll reproduce for you now:
Peace is a lie, there is only passion
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.
Ok, I like it, right up to that last line. It stinks. Anyway, Kopecz has gone back to rejoin Kaan and the army, and now Bane is learning the ways of the Sith from Lord Qordis (Picture Unavailable), but we at least get a description. He stands taller than Bane, but is stick thin, with a chalky skin tone, and pointed teeth and talons instead of fingernails.
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| Albino maybe? I don't know, I've been drinking. |
Anyway, Qordis begins questioning Bane's knowledge of the Force, and Bane assures him that he's a quick learner. Qordis then states that Korriban is the training center for Sith Lords, where as lesser dark siders are trained on worlds like Ryloth or Hon...o....ghr. I feel as if Timothy Zahn just cried out in pain, and was suddenly silenced. Qordis then elaborates a little on the history of Korriban, then cuts his palm with his nails and puts his wounded hand on Bane's forehead for some reason. Maybe to give him space-hepatitis, I'm not sure.
The chapter kinda glosses over a few weeks, where Bane finds out that although he's a bit older than most of the students, and has had no formal training in the Force...he's the only student who's been unconsciously manipulating it on instinct. He also spends a lot of time in the Academy's archives, more than the other students, and feels that the stories and information he's taking in are supplementing what he learns from the instructors.
We cut away to the orbit of the planet Ruusan, where the Republic forces have come under sudden attack by the Sith under direct command of Lord Kaan. He's employing battle meditation, and winning, until a Jedi Master on the other side begins using their own Battle Meditation. Kopecz is on board one of the fighters in the battle, and feels the Jedi presence as well, and is able to pin it down to one particular ship. He manages to pilot his fighter on board the Republic ship and quickly makes his way towards the Jedi's location, pausing only long enough to take out a pair of Selkath Padawans.
The chapter kinda glosses over a few weeks, where Bane finds out that although he's a bit older than most of the students, and has had no formal training in the Force...he's the only student who's been unconsciously manipulating it on instinct. He also spends a lot of time in the Academy's archives, more than the other students, and feels that the stories and information he's taking in are supplementing what he learns from the instructors.
We cut away to the orbit of the planet Ruusan, where the Republic forces have come under sudden attack by the Sith under direct command of Lord Kaan. He's employing battle meditation, and winning, until a Jedi Master on the other side begins using their own Battle Meditation. Kopecz is on board one of the fighters in the battle, and feels the Jedi presence as well, and is able to pin it down to one particular ship. He manages to pilot his fighter on board the Republic ship and quickly makes his way towards the Jedi's location, pausing only long enough to take out a pair of Selkath Padawans.
 |
| Last words? Unintelligible. |
After them, Kopecz quickly deals with the Cerean Jedi, turns around and marches back to his fighter. The Sith win the First Battle of Ruusan.
Chapter 10
Back to Bane now; It's been a few months since he started training, and he feels better than ever. He's now among the top tier of students in fact, surpassing most of them. KOTOR veterans are reminded that the students are punished if caught attempting to sabotage each other...but really, they're only being punished for being caught.
We join Bane in the middle of lightsaber training, although the training sabers they're using are just rods covered in barbs that have been treated with a paralytic toxin. It's non-fatal, but simulates a lost limb fairly well. Also, non-fatal doesn't mean non-painful. For the first of many times, we are told that Bane is being schooled in the Djem So form of lightsaber contact, which involves using his size to his advantage. Eventually, Kas'im, the master in charge of combat training, announces that they can now challenge each other for practice. Today, Bane is planning on challenging Fohargh, a Makurth.
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| A face only a mother could look at and respond in ear shrieking terror. |
"Now, it's enough."Never change Bane. He strides off the training area, and is followed by Sirak the Zabrak. What's a Zabrak?
 |
| Yyyyyep. |
Apparently Sirak is the top student. Oh, and surprise surprise, he specializes in the double-bladed saber. Drew, I love ya, but seriously, a regular lightsaber would've sufficed. We really didn't need a complete Maul knockoff.
Sirak has come to tell him that Bane is now worthy of his notice. Also, he doesn't make challenges, but he accepts all comers. He then swaggers off, and after a brief moment, Bane retreats to his room.
Chapter 11
Needless to say, Fohargh's death has some repercussions. Really, the students aren't supposed to be killing each other...which doesn't sound right to Bane. Far as he's concerned, that's a violation of the Sith Code; after all, aren't the strong supposed to dominate? Anyway, he's summoned before Qordis, and takes a moment to regard the absolutely ostentatious amount of wealth that Qordis has on display in his chambers. Apparently, he is the Mr. T of Sith Lords. |
| "I pity the fool who follows the Jedi code!" |
Bane is quick to defend himself, saying that Fohargh was responsible for his own death, as he should've shielded himself against such an attack through the Force. Qordis responds that according to Kas'im, Fohargh's guard was well in place, Bane just ripped his way through it. Qordis lightly repremands Bane; which shouldn't come as much of a surprise because Kas'im could've stopped the fight at any point he wanted to. Instead, Qordis tells Bane that exceptions are sometimes made to the rules for the talented students.
So remember folks, if a high-schooler is one of the top players on the school team, he can get away with murder!
Qordis dismisses Bane, but Bane pauses to ask what is the Sith'ari? Apparently, some of the students are calling Sirak that.
"Some of the old texts speak of the Sith’ari," Qordis answered slowly, gesturing with a ring-laden claw at the books scattered about the room. "They say the Sith will one day be led by a perfect being, one who embodies the dark side and all we stand for."I think you all can guess where this is going. Later, Bane is trying to reconcile what happened with Fohargh. As far as he's concerned, he's got a lot of blood on his hands, but had never taken out a helpless opponent like that before. He falls asleep thinking about it and dreams of the night his father died. Hurst had been drunk, and getting ready to beat Des, when Des challenged him, telling him that this will probably be the last time he can. In response, Hurst broke Des's nose, blacked his eyes, knocked out two teeth and cracked some ribs. Afterwards, while Hurst was unconscious, there's only one thing Des can think: "I hope you die."
Bane wakes up from his dream, and realizes that he had unconsciously killed his father via the dark side.
Chapter 12
So all of a sudden, Bane sucks at lightsaber practice. He's still faster than any of us could ever hope to be, but for a Sith or Jedi, he's about as slow as a street sweeper. Why? Because he's stopped using the Force. All of a sudden he feels guilty about killing his abusive asshole of a father.
Bane, why did you stop being cool?
Kas'im berates him for being a pussy about using the dark side, and sends him away in disgust. He heads back to his chambers, thinking about the nightmares he's sufferring through about killing his father and Fohargh. He thinks that his passion has gone. Ok, I'm gonna hypothesize that it's not just guilt affecting him, but also the idea that part of his passion and hate was based on the fact that he was never able to pay his father back for the beatings, but upon realization that he actually did kill his father, his bloodlust evaporated. At least, that's my attempt to salvage the character, I could just be projecting.
Bane's also worried that eventually someone is going to challenge him to a duel, at which point his problems are going to be painfully obvious as he gets the shit kicked out of him
Meanwhile, Lord KAAAAAAAAAAN is stewing aboard his flagship, feeling that something is wrong. Mostly because all of a sudden, the Jedi and their leader General Hoth:
Bane, why did you stop being cool?
Kas'im berates him for being a pussy about using the dark side, and sends him away in disgust. He heads back to his chambers, thinking about the nightmares he's sufferring through about killing his father and Fohargh. He thinks that his passion has gone. Ok, I'm gonna hypothesize that it's not just guilt affecting him, but also the idea that part of his passion and hate was based on the fact that he was never able to pay his father back for the beatings, but upon realization that he actually did kill his father, his bloodlust evaporated. At least, that's my attempt to salvage the character, I could just be projecting.
Bane's also worried that eventually someone is going to challenge him to a duel, at which point his problems are going to be painfully obvious as he gets the shit kicked out of him
Meanwhile, Lord KAAAAAAAAAAN is stewing aboard his flagship, feeling that something is wrong. Mostly because all of a sudden, the Jedi and their leader General Hoth:
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| Of course he's a Nazi, why wouldn't he be? |
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| Well, uh....certainly not what I expected. But at least he's not a Nazi. |
Anyway, the Jedi and Hoth have been weirdly absent from combat lately. Kaan thinks that with the Jedi in absentia he should be ecstatic, but he also realizes that for the Jedi to just vanish from combat en masse, there's something very wrong.
And he couldn't be more correct. Kopecz arrives with some unsettling news: The Jedi have assembled into a massive army to fight the Sith, and they just took back Ruusan. Apparently Hoth decided "Fuck the soldiers and ships, we've gotta cut out the heart of the problem!"
I like the cut of his jib.
Oh, and they're calling themselves the Army of Light.
My jib liking has vanished.
Anyway, Kaan decides to amass the entire Brotherhood of Darkness on Ruusan, except for the students on Korriban because they have not learned "loyalty to the Brotherhood" yet. Jesus H. Christ, these guys really are the worst Sith lords ever, aren't they???
Back on Korriban, Kas'im meets with Qordis, and is filled in on the situation on Ruusan, and how they will not get to join in on the fun, however if they feel any of the students are ready, they can be sent to the battle. Kas'im considers Sirak briefly, but believes he's too arrogant. Qordis asks about Bane, Kas'im fills him in on his newfound shortcomings, and Qordis orders Kas'im to abandon Bane. But not because Bane has no potential, it's because Qordis is trying to sabotage Kopecz in front of Kaan (Kopecz brought Bane to the academy if you remember).
Chapter 13
Bane now realizes that he's fucked. All the instructors are ignoring him now, so the other students realize his vulnerability. So in order to cover it up, he embarks on the dumbest plan imaginable. After lightsaber practice, he challenges Sirak. That's right. In order to cover up his inability, he's challenging the top student.
And he couldn't be more correct. Kopecz arrives with some unsettling news: The Jedi have assembled into a massive army to fight the Sith, and they just took back Ruusan. Apparently Hoth decided "Fuck the soldiers and ships, we've gotta cut out the heart of the problem!"
I like the cut of his jib.
Oh, and they're calling themselves the Army of Light.
My jib liking has vanished.
Anyway, Kaan decides to amass the entire Brotherhood of Darkness on Ruusan, except for the students on Korriban because they have not learned "loyalty to the Brotherhood" yet. Jesus H. Christ, these guys really are the worst Sith lords ever, aren't they???
Back on Korriban, Kas'im meets with Qordis, and is filled in on the situation on Ruusan, and how they will not get to join in on the fun, however if they feel any of the students are ready, they can be sent to the battle. Kas'im considers Sirak briefly, but believes he's too arrogant. Qordis asks about Bane, Kas'im fills him in on his newfound shortcomings, and Qordis orders Kas'im to abandon Bane. But not because Bane has no potential, it's because Qordis is trying to sabotage Kopecz in front of Kaan (Kopecz brought Bane to the academy if you remember).
Chapter 13
Bane now realizes that he's fucked. All the instructors are ignoring him now, so the other students realize his vulnerability. So in order to cover it up, he embarks on the dumbest plan imaginable. After lightsaber practice, he challenges Sirak. That's right. In order to cover up his inability, he's challenging the top student.
Over on Ruusan, Kopecz is reviewing Kaan's battle plans. Apparently, the space combat in orbit has completely devastated the surface of the planet, wiping out most of the forests. And Kopecz thinks that Kaan's plans are worthless, along with most of the other Sith in attendance.
However, despite that, the Jedi have apparently spread themselves too thin on the battlefield, being concerned with the civilian casualties. The Sith of course don't give two shits about collateral damage. Kopecz however continues to be a Debbie Downer and points out that the Jedi outnumber them, and are concealing their true numbers as effectively as the Sith are.
Kaan insists that his plan will work, because he has a double agent.
(Please note: I will admit that a whip that can cut anything is cool if it's wielded by a grizzled, muscular Russian guy or a wise cracking archaeologist.)
Anyway, the author spends a paragraph or so reminding us that Githany is hot as hell, and how all the Sith lords immediately start lusting after her. Apparently, she's selling out the Jedi because she was sleeping with another padawan or something, and getting censured or something for it.
Back on Korriban, Bane's in a bacta tank healing up. He thinks about what happened and realizes how fucking dumb his plan was. He thinks over the last line of the Sith Code about victory, and wishes that Sirak had just killed him and been done with it.
Back on Korriban, Bane's in a bacta tank healing up. He thinks about what happened and realizes how fucking dumb his plan was. He thinks over the last line of the Sith Code about victory, and wishes that Sirak had just killed him and been done with it.
Chapter 14
We open the chapter with a party. Turns out Githany's intel was great and the Sith scored a major strategic victory on Ruusan. Bane however is not in the mood for partying. He just spent 3 weeks in a bacta tank, and he's now in a total depressive funk.
Also, Githany has come to the Academy. As a Padawan, she wasn't experienced enough to join the ranks of the Sith at Ruusan, so they sent her for additional training. There's a little more about how all the male Sith can't stop fapping over her, but Bane doesn't give a shit. Instead he's heading back to the archives to sulk by himself. And do some light reading. He's just been reading an essay by Naga Sadow about alchemy, and is now moving on. But he's not alone in the archives; Githany has come to see the local pariah.
Her motives are to learn from Bane how Sirak beat him so that she can beat Sirak. Uh, what? Bane meanwhile has apparently found the KOTOR player's guide, and is reading up on the Rakata, or at least about Darth Revan. He then ponders the Darth title itself, how none of the current Sith use it. He then notices Githany. She tells him that she wants his help in trouncing Sirak, and offers to secretly train him and reestablish his connection to the dark side.
Later after dark, Bane makes his way to Kas'im's chambers, and asks him to continue his lightsaber training. Kas'im refuses, stating that Qordis has forbidden it. Bane counters by pointing out that all the Masters are supposed to be equals in the Brotherhood. (Again, lamest. Sith. Ever.) Bane tells Kas'im that it can be in secret at night, and if Qordis is ignoring Bane, and Kas'im helps make Bane a powerful warrior, then Kas'im will rise in Lord Kaan's eyes.
Kas'im asks Bane why Bane wants to do this, and Bane gives what is to Kas'im a very satisfactory response.
Bane briefly compares the double-saber to a lightwhip (groan), and Kas'im agrees. Bane then meets with Githany, who spends a lesson on Force lightning. She learned it a few days before from Qordis, but hasn't come close to the natural mastery Bane shows after one lesson. After her first lesson, she'd managed a few sparks. After Bane's first lesson, he tore apart a room. Githany begins to doubt the wisdom of allying herself with Bane, but she picked him so she's stuck with him.
They fix the room Bane wrecked, then he offers her a backrub (giggity). Over the course of her massage, she tells Bane about why she left the Jedi, how she was sexing another padawan, was reprimanded, then planned her defection. She offerred to take the other guy with her, but he refused. Bane asks if she killed him, and she admits that she did not.
Bane leaves after that, and Githany catches a self-satisfied expression on his face for a brief instant. And it seems that for a change, she's all hot and bothered about someone else.
Bane rightfully calls it bullshit, because the dark side supports rule of the strong over the weak. Kas'im responds that in addition, the title attracted Jedi. Bane thinks to himself that the Jedi probably didn't give two shits if a dark sider uses the title or not. Out loud, he apologizes to Kas'im while thinking that KAAAAAAN!! was acting like a Jedi.
Later, Githany rightly determines that Bane is distracted, and he flat out admits that although she's been helpful in helping him get back in touch with the dark side again, the lessons of Qordis and the others she's been passing along have been useless compared to the wisdom he's read in the Sith archives. Githany, a little concerned, refocuses Bane's attention on Sirak, telling him that it's time to take the pointy headed freak down. But in an effort to manipulate Bane, she states that she is going to challenge him. Bane states that Sirak is too strong for her to beat...but Bane is now confident that he can beat him in a challenge. And that's a surprise, because Githany just wanted them to team up and kill Sirak privately. Bane admits to Githany that he's been training with Kas'im, and she responds with some hurt about being kept out of the loop, but still wishes him luck. After Bane leaves, she finds tears on her face, making her the dumbest Sith on all of Korriban at the moment.
The next morning, Bane steps forward into the duelling ring and calls out Sirak.
To enable this plan, Bane approaches the combat as little more than a fairly skilled lummox. He wants Sirak to think that he's dangerous, but still an inferior opponent. But he still draaaaags the fight out as long as he can, and Sirak starts slipping up. And as such, the dark side begins pooling in Bane, wanting him to destroy Sirak.
But that's what Bane wants. He wants all that dark side power to build a massive charge. So when he finally releases it, he not only disarms Sirak...he shatters his forearm, and splinters his lower leg, causing the bone to break right through the skin. Bane "hesitates" a moment, which gives Kas'im time to interrupt the fight.
Really, there isn't a "FUCK YEAH!" big enough for that moment.
Anyway, while Bane may or may not be rubbing one out, there's a knock at the door. It's Kas'im, and he produces a lightsaber hilt. It's kind of like Dooku's, except more curved. More like a fishhook.
Kas'im tells Bane that this was his Master's blade, and he used to watch him practice for hours with it. He passes it to Bane, and tells him that it's his now; that Bane has earned the right to carry a lightsaber now. Bane asks if Master Qordis approves of Bane "graduating" to a full lightsaber, and Kas'im laughs it off.
Bane then demands to know about the tombs of the Dark Lords on Korriban, believing that there are lost Sith secrets hidden within. Qordis simply responds that the Jedi looted them. Bane then states that the spirits of the Sith masters must still dwell within, right? Qordis shrugs this off, asking Bane if he really believes in old ghosts who want to teach him powerful secrets?
Bane responds to the effect of "Damn right I do, and I could probably learn more from them than from you."
Kopecz bitches about the army, stating they'd be better off "burning our black robes and practicing the Jedi Code." He goes on to dismiss Kaan's idea of "reinforcements" and demands that the apprentices from Korriban be elevated to Dark Lord status, and brought to join their forces. After some weak debate, Kaan accedes, and agrees to send the order to Qordis.
Bane also starts to suspect that Kaan's using the Force on his closest allies to keep them in line. As he draws nearer to the Academy, he briefly wonders what kind of reception he'll receive, but then decides he doesn't give a tin shit, because he can't stand the lot of them anymore. He starts wondering instead, who he might be able to convince to the truth that he's realized. He figures it's Githany, and not just because he wants to drill her.
Keep telling yourself that, big guy.
Once Bane reaches the Academy itself, he beelines straight for the kitchen.
Qordis, meanwhile, is damn near crapping himself now that Bane's returned, because he's also just received KAAAAAAAAAN!!!!'s order to graduate the students and get to Ruusan ASAP. He worries that if Bane defies orders and refuses to go along it could cause a major schism in the Brotherhood.
Sirak is rather relieved that Bane's come back; he was worried that they would leave for Ruusan before Bane came back. But now he has his chance for revenge. He rushes to tell Githany, and upon hearing that he went for the kitchens first, she gets a little pissy.
Bane kicks Qordis's door in upon arrival. Dude should really think about a door of the non-kickable variety. Bane accuses Qordis of sending Sirak after him, and lets him know that Sirak and his lackeys are all dead. Qordis gets all shrill about Bane killing other Sith on the verge of their departure for Ruusan.
Bane tells Qordis that they can go to Ruusan or hell for all he cares, he's outta here. Qordis tries to order Bane to follow orders to little effect, as Bane responds that as a Dark Lord of the Sith, he answers to no one but himself. Qordis orders Bane again, and Bane flat out says that no one at the Academy is strong enough to stop him. As he leaves, he addresses a crowd that's formed and Qordis.
As Bane marches off, Kas'im tries to reason with him, asking if he won't at least meet Kaan first? Bane?
We open the chapter with a party. Turns out Githany's intel was great and the Sith scored a major strategic victory on Ruusan. Bane however is not in the mood for partying. He just spent 3 weeks in a bacta tank, and he's now in a total depressive funk.
Also, Githany has come to the Academy. As a Padawan, she wasn't experienced enough to join the ranks of the Sith at Ruusan, so they sent her for additional training. There's a little more about how all the male Sith can't stop fapping over her, but Bane doesn't give a shit. Instead he's heading back to the archives to sulk by himself. And do some light reading. He's just been reading an essay by Naga Sadow about alchemy, and is now moving on. But he's not alone in the archives; Githany has come to see the local pariah.
Her motives are to learn from Bane how Sirak beat him so that she can beat Sirak. Uh, what? Bane meanwhile has apparently found the KOTOR player's guide, and is reading up on the Rakata, or at least about Darth Revan. He then ponders the Darth title itself, how none of the current Sith use it. He then notices Githany. She tells him that she wants his help in trouncing Sirak, and offers to secretly train him and reestablish his connection to the dark side.
Later after dark, Bane makes his way to Kas'im's chambers, and asks him to continue his lightsaber training. Kas'im refuses, stating that Qordis has forbidden it. Bane counters by pointing out that all the Masters are supposed to be equals in the Brotherhood. (Again, lamest. Sith. Ever.) Bane tells Kas'im that it can be in secret at night, and if Qordis is ignoring Bane, and Kas'im helps make Bane a powerful warrior, then Kas'im will rise in Lord Kaan's eyes.
Kas'im asks Bane why Bane wants to do this, and Bane gives what is to Kas'im a very satisfactory response.
"I want to destroy Sirak. I want to crush him like an insect beneath the heel of my boot."Chapter 15
It's been a few weeks since Bane began his secret training, and it's going verrry well. Bane is currently pretending to sulk, and acting subservient to everyone else in the Academy, keeping up a pretense of weakness so that Sirak won't know what hit him. In addition, he's keeping his lightsaber training with Kas'im secret from Githany; Not that he doesn't trust her per se, but, let's face it, these are Sith we're talking about...even if they are the worst Sith ever.
Apparently if any of the masters besides Kas'im gave a tin shit, they'd figure out Bane was laying in the weeds, but seeing as they don't, the surprise of his true potential should be overwhelming. See, it's not just Sirak he wants to bring down. Bane would love nothing more than taking Qordis down a few pegs in the bargain. The way Bane figures it, despite being "left behind" he's now light years ahead of all the other students...and maybe a couple of masters as well.
Bane is just finishing a training sequence with Kas'im, and Kas'im acknowledges that Bane is now fighting on pure instinct. Thinking that both Sirak and Kas'im both use the double-bladed sabre, Bane asks what kind of advantage it gives. Kas'im states that the Force allows him to predict his opponent's moves with a certain degree of accuracy, the more options available to an opponent has, the trickier it is to predict. However, the double-blade is actually a much bigger pain in the ass to wield than you'd expect. It doesn't actually have more options than a regular lightsaber, but if you think it does, then that does the same job.
Apparently if any of the masters besides Kas'im gave a tin shit, they'd figure out Bane was laying in the weeds, but seeing as they don't, the surprise of his true potential should be overwhelming. See, it's not just Sirak he wants to bring down. Bane would love nothing more than taking Qordis down a few pegs in the bargain. The way Bane figures it, despite being "left behind" he's now light years ahead of all the other students...and maybe a couple of masters as well.
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| Bane to Korriban: "Fuck. You." |
Bane is just finishing a training sequence with Kas'im, and Kas'im acknowledges that Bane is now fighting on pure instinct. Thinking that both Sirak and Kas'im both use the double-bladed sabre, Bane asks what kind of advantage it gives. Kas'im states that the Force allows him to predict his opponent's moves with a certain degree of accuracy, the more options available to an opponent has, the trickier it is to predict. However, the double-blade is actually a much bigger pain in the ass to wield than you'd expect. It doesn't actually have more options than a regular lightsaber, but if you think it does, then that does the same job.
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| "I am SO calling bullshit on that!" |
Bane briefly compares the double-saber to a lightwhip (groan), and Kas'im agrees. Bane then meets with Githany, who spends a lesson on Force lightning. She learned it a few days before from Qordis, but hasn't come close to the natural mastery Bane shows after one lesson. After her first lesson, she'd managed a few sparks. After Bane's first lesson, he tore apart a room. Githany begins to doubt the wisdom of allying herself with Bane, but she picked him so she's stuck with him.
They fix the room Bane wrecked, then he offers her a backrub (giggity). Over the course of her massage, she tells Bane about why she left the Jedi, how she was sexing another padawan, was reprimanded, then planned her defection. She offerred to take the other guy with her, but he refused. Bane asks if she killed him, and she admits that she did not.
"When you finally betray me, I hope you care enough to try to kill me yourself."
Bane, you smoothie.
Bane leaves after that, and Githany catches a self-satisfied expression on his face for a brief instant. And it seems that for a change, she's all hot and bothered about someone else.
Chapter 16
Bane is training with Kas'im again, and in the past month they've been training less often, but much harder. Bane supposes that Kas'im enjoys an actual challenge as opposed to playfighting the much less talented students. Eventually, Bane acknowledges defeat as fatigue is starting to set in. Kas'im is surprised, stating that there was little honor in surrender.
"Honor is a fool's prize. Glory is of no use to the dead."Kas'im acknowledges the wisdom of the saying, not recognizing it as a quote from Darth Revan. At that point, Bane asks why noone in the Brotherhood uses the Darth title any more. Kas'im responds that it was a decision of KAAAAAAN!!'s: Previous Sith had used it to assert supremacy over the other Dark Lords, but no Sith lord will bow to another's authority for long. As such, any Sith lord claiming the title could expect to be usurped at any given moment. Instead, KAAAAAN!! wanted to create a sensation of stability within the Sith, and so established the equality of the Brotherhood.
Bane rightfully calls it bullshit, because the dark side supports rule of the strong over the weak. Kas'im responds that in addition, the title attracted Jedi. Bane thinks to himself that the Jedi probably didn't give two shits if a dark sider uses the title or not. Out loud, he apologizes to Kas'im while thinking that KAAAAAAN!! was acting like a Jedi.
Later, Githany rightly determines that Bane is distracted, and he flat out admits that although she's been helpful in helping him get back in touch with the dark side again, the lessons of Qordis and the others she's been passing along have been useless compared to the wisdom he's read in the Sith archives. Githany, a little concerned, refocuses Bane's attention on Sirak, telling him that it's time to take the pointy headed freak down. But in an effort to manipulate Bane, she states that she is going to challenge him. Bane states that Sirak is too strong for her to beat...but Bane is now confident that he can beat him in a challenge. And that's a surprise, because Githany just wanted them to team up and kill Sirak privately. Bane admits to Githany that he's been training with Kas'im, and she responds with some hurt about being kept out of the loop, but still wishes him luck. After Bane leaves, she finds tears on her face, making her the dumbest Sith on all of Korriban at the moment.
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| KAAAAN!! is still the overall holder of that title, though. |
Chapter 17
So when we left Bane, he had just challenged Sirak to general astonishment. If you recall, last time Bane did this, Sirak kicked the living shit out of him. No, that's not accurate. Sirak brutalized him. So naturally, as Sirak enters the duelling ring, he's not too worried. At least visibly. Which Bane resolves to shrug off. He also resolves to fucking brutalize Sirak as well.
To enable this plan, Bane approaches the combat as little more than a fairly skilled lummox. He wants Sirak to think that he's dangerous, but still an inferior opponent. But he still draaaaags the fight out as long as he can, and Sirak starts slipping up. And as such, the dark side begins pooling in Bane, wanting him to destroy Sirak.
But that's what Bane wants. He wants all that dark side power to build a massive charge. So when he finally releases it, he not only disarms Sirak...he shatters his forearm, and splinters his lower leg, causing the bone to break right through the skin. Bane "hesitates" a moment, which gives Kas'im time to interrupt the fight.
Really, there isn't a "FUCK YEAH!" big enough for that moment.
So Sirak is laying on the ground, weeping like a little lost Ewok pup, and everyone else is just sitting in stunned fucking silence, not entirely sure what the fuck they just saw. Kas'im tells everyone that Bane's fighting was not only superior, but so was his long-term strategy. He whispers to Bane to get inside before he catches a chill. It is not implied that Kas'im is acting like Bane's grandmother, but that's sure what he sounds like. Kas'im also tells Sirak's lackeys to go throw him in a bacta tank. Ok, maybe he's not that grandmotherly.
Githany follows Bane inside and demands to know why Bane didn't kill Sirak. Bane responds with an eye-for-an-eye attitude, that since Bane had to spend two weeks in a bacta tank, Sirak gets to do the same now. Githany calls him a fool, because after he's healed, Sirak is going to go after Bane again, and she calls him out on the hesitation he showed in the ring. Bane then states that he's already been taken to task once for killing another student, why do it again? Githany calls bullshit, stating that Bane just wussed out.
Bane denies it, despite Githany pressing the point. He finally snaps at her that he knows more about Sith traditions than the current "masters" thanks to his studies, but Githany points out that the ancient Sith sure didn't write anything about showing mercy. He wanders off, muttering, while Githany begins reconsidering the nature of their "relationship".
Later, Bane is in bed, trying to figure out why exactly he let Sirak live. And having a little Githany-related fantasy.
Githany follows Bane inside and demands to know why Bane didn't kill Sirak. Bane responds with an eye-for-an-eye attitude, that since Bane had to spend two weeks in a bacta tank, Sirak gets to do the same now. Githany calls him a fool, because after he's healed, Sirak is going to go after Bane again, and she calls him out on the hesitation he showed in the ring. Bane then states that he's already been taken to task once for killing another student, why do it again? Githany calls bullshit, stating that Bane just wussed out.
Bane denies it, despite Githany pressing the point. He finally snaps at her that he knows more about Sith traditions than the current "masters" thanks to his studies, but Githany points out that the ancient Sith sure didn't write anything about showing mercy. He wanders off, muttering, while Githany begins reconsidering the nature of their "relationship".
Later, Bane is in bed, trying to figure out why exactly he let Sirak live. And having a little Githany-related fantasy.
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| I dunno, Bane, she's a little wall-eyed for me. You sure she isn't a Deep One?? |
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| Best I could scrounge off Google. Sorry. |
"I haven’t held on to this blade for ten years just so Qordis can decide who I give it to."
Kas'im is really growing on me.
Bane asks if Kas'im's master gave it to him on his deathbed, and Kas'im tells Bane he's half-right: he took it when he killed him. He explains that after he learned everything that the master had to teach, there was no more need for him. He then cautions Bane that while Kas'im has taught Bane everything Bane knows, Kas'im has not taught him everything Kas'im knows. Bane laughs it off, knowing that at this point, no matter what, Kas'im would probably wipe the floor with him.
In the morning, Qordis sends for Bane. Bane figures he's about to get disciplined for kicking the shit out of one of Qordis's favorite students. Qordis comments on Bane's new lightsaber, and reminds Bane that while he might be the top lightsaber student now, he's still an apprentice compared to the masters. He then admonishes Bane to cease his private tutoring sessions with Githany. Bane is a little shocked to find out that someone else was aware of them, and Qordis continues to say he does not want the students trying to teach each other.
Bane quickly realizes that Qordis is full of shit. After all, Qordis is the one who ordered that Bane be ostracized in the first place. He goes on to ban Bane from any further study of the archives. He claims that the Brotherhood is fundamentally different from the ancient Sith like Naga Sadow, Exar Kun, and Darth Revan, and the teachings are outdated and useless. Bane challenges this notion, because a)Why the fuck do they have an archive in the first place? and b)Why the fuck would you rebuild the Sith Academy on Korriban the everfucking home planet of the ancient Sith???
Bane asks if Kas'im's master gave it to him on his deathbed, and Kas'im tells Bane he's half-right: he took it when he killed him. He explains that after he learned everything that the master had to teach, there was no more need for him. He then cautions Bane that while Kas'im has taught Bane everything Bane knows, Kas'im has not taught him everything Kas'im knows. Bane laughs it off, knowing that at this point, no matter what, Kas'im would probably wipe the floor with him.
In the morning, Qordis sends for Bane. Bane figures he's about to get disciplined for kicking the shit out of one of Qordis's favorite students. Qordis comments on Bane's new lightsaber, and reminds Bane that while he might be the top lightsaber student now, he's still an apprentice compared to the masters. He then admonishes Bane to cease his private tutoring sessions with Githany. Bane is a little shocked to find out that someone else was aware of them, and Qordis continues to say he does not want the students trying to teach each other.
Bane quickly realizes that Qordis is full of shit. After all, Qordis is the one who ordered that Bane be ostracized in the first place. He goes on to ban Bane from any further study of the archives. He claims that the Brotherhood is fundamentally different from the ancient Sith like Naga Sadow, Exar Kun, and Darth Revan, and the teachings are outdated and useless. Bane challenges this notion, because a)Why the fuck do they have an archive in the first place? and b)Why the fuck would you rebuild the Sith Academy on Korriban the everfucking home planet of the ancient Sith???
Qordis simply responds that the artifacts and planet are strong in the Dark Side. So, they're pretty much no more than batteries to him.
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| What are the Sith? Control. The Sith are a evil organization who want to keep us under control in order to change a planet into this. |
Bane responds to the effect of "Damn right I do, and I could probably learn more from them than from you."
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| Bane to Qordis: "Fuck. You." |
Qordis is pretty pissed at this point, and challenges Bane to go to the Valley of the Dark Lords and see for himself that there is nothing left. And Bane accepts the challenge.
Chapter 18
After Bane misses the morning practice, Kas'im goes looking for him. He immediately figures that Qordis has something to do with this, so he politely knocks on his door. Oh, wait, no. He blasts the lock with the force, and kicks the fucker in.
Chapter 18
After Bane misses the morning practice, Kas'im goes looking for him. He immediately figures that Qordis has something to do with this, so he politely knocks on his door. Oh, wait, no. He blasts the lock with the force, and kicks the fucker in.
Seriously, I'm really starting to love this guy.
Qordis is inside, just admiring one of his treasures. Kas'im demands to know where Bane is, and what Qordis did to him. Qordis claims he tried to reason with Bane, but Kas'im is no stranger to subtext, and accuses Qordis of manipulating Bane. Qordis snaps that Bane is uselessly obsessed with the past and needs to smarten the fuck up. He figures that once Bane sees nothing but empty ruins, he'll come crawling back, all ready to submit to the will of KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
As Kas'im leaves, he notices something on Qordis's face, a look of uncertainty and fear, and he relishes that Bane did something to scare the living crap out of him.
Meanwhile, Sirak is already out of the bacta and getting dressed. As he leaves the medcenter, Githany accosts him, and offers to help him get revenge on Bane. Sirak wants to know why, and Githany admits she's angry over Bane leaving for the Valley of the Dark Lords without even saying goodbye.
Qordis is inside, just admiring one of his treasures. Kas'im demands to know where Bane is, and what Qordis did to him. Qordis claims he tried to reason with Bane, but Kas'im is no stranger to subtext, and accuses Qordis of manipulating Bane. Qordis snaps that Bane is uselessly obsessed with the past and needs to smarten the fuck up. He figures that once Bane sees nothing but empty ruins, he'll come crawling back, all ready to submit to the will of KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
As Kas'im leaves, he notices something on Qordis's face, a look of uncertainty and fear, and he relishes that Bane did something to scare the living crap out of him.
Meanwhile, Sirak is already out of the bacta and getting dressed. As he leaves the medcenter, Githany accosts him, and offers to help him get revenge on Bane. Sirak wants to know why, and Githany admits she's angry over Bane leaving for the Valley of the Dark Lords without even saying goodbye.
She really isn't a very good Sith, is she?
Out in the desert, Bane is marching along, a little concerned. When he arrived on Korriban, it was like living under a power line, that constant hum. But he figured that the closer he got to the Valley, it would get louder. Instead, it's remained constant. Eventually, he spots the first of the tombs, and beelines for it. He quickly locates the sarcophagus inside, and demands an audience with the Dark Side spirits. And he gets nothing.
Over on Ruusan, Kopecz is less than impressed with KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN and his tactics. Kaan meanwhile, is starting to show some strain from the constant fighting.
Out in the desert, Bane is marching along, a little concerned. When he arrived on Korriban, it was like living under a power line, that constant hum. But he figured that the closer he got to the Valley, it would get louder. Instead, it's remained constant. Eventually, he spots the first of the tombs, and beelines for it. He quickly locates the sarcophagus inside, and demands an audience with the Dark Side spirits. And he gets nothing.
Over on Ruusan, Kopecz is less than impressed with KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN and his tactics. Kaan meanwhile, is starting to show some strain from the constant fighting.
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| "And the Jedi! They're putting fluoride in our drinking water to control our thoughts! We all need to take the foil from our ration packs and wrap it around our heads to block them out!" |
Chapter 19
So, not content with his initial inspection, Bane spent 13 days in the Valley of the Dark Lords, investigating the ruins. And he didn't eat a damn thing. This is despite being attacked twice by predators, and slaughtering a bunch of them with his lightsaber. So, he couldn't stop and roast one?
At this point, due to the fruitless results of his search, Bane finds himself agreeing with Qordis about the Dark Side spirits...but he has a very different opinion as to the why. Bane instead believes that the ways and practices of the Brotherhood have literally driven the spirits away in utter disgust. That's right, KAAAAAN!!! and his lackeys are so fucking inept, that they actually managed to perform a mass exorcism of their spiritual ancestors without even trying. And further consider this: Dark Empire makes it very clear that the dark side spirits return to the fucking planet. God knows that I hate to consider anything in DE canon, but, god damn.
So, not content with his initial inspection, Bane spent 13 days in the Valley of the Dark Lords, investigating the ruins. And he didn't eat a damn thing. This is despite being attacked twice by predators, and slaughtering a bunch of them with his lightsaber. So, he couldn't stop and roast one?
At this point, due to the fruitless results of his search, Bane finds himself agreeing with Qordis about the Dark Side spirits...but he has a very different opinion as to the why. Bane instead believes that the ways and practices of the Brotherhood have literally driven the spirits away in utter disgust. That's right, KAAAAAN!!! and his lackeys are so fucking inept, that they actually managed to perform a mass exorcism of their spiritual ancestors without even trying. And further consider this: Dark Empire makes it very clear that the dark side spirits return to the fucking planet. God knows that I hate to consider anything in DE canon, but, god damn.
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| "For Sadow's sake, you assholes are making us look like total pussies!" |
Keep telling yourself that, big guy.
Once Bane reaches the Academy itself, he beelines straight for the kitchen.
Qordis, meanwhile, is damn near crapping himself now that Bane's returned, because he's also just received KAAAAAAAAAN!!!!'s order to graduate the students and get to Ruusan ASAP. He worries that if Bane defies orders and refuses to go along it could cause a major schism in the Brotherhood.
Sirak is rather relieved that Bane's come back; he was worried that they would leave for Ruusan before Bane came back. But now he has his chance for revenge. He rushes to tell Githany, and upon hearing that he went for the kitchens first, she gets a little pissy.
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| Awwww, suck it up princess. |
She tells Sirak that they'll ambush him in the archives, and she'll bring Bane into the trap personally. Sirak agrees, but wants to be the one to actually kill Bane.
Speaking of which, Bane wakes up to Qordis knocking on his door. Qordis asks Bane if he understood why Qordis let Bane wander off into the desert. Bane has an internal laugh at the idea of Qordis preventing him from going, while Qordis states that letting him wander off was a lesson as to why the Sith had to change. As a peace offering, Qordis offers Bane a new crystal for his lightsaber, saying that it is stronger than a natural crystal. He then tells Bane that they're making for Ruusan the following day to fight the Jedi. Bane simply responds to the effect that KAAAAN!!! is an idiot, and that the Brotherhood will fail. Qordis has a hissy fit, and storms out.
Speaking of which, Bane wakes up to Qordis knocking on his door. Qordis asks Bane if he understood why Qordis let Bane wander off into the desert. Bane has an internal laugh at the idea of Qordis preventing him from going, while Qordis states that letting him wander off was a lesson as to why the Sith had to change. As a peace offering, Qordis offers Bane a new crystal for his lightsaber, saying that it is stronger than a natural crystal. He then tells Bane that they're making for Ruusan the following day to fight the Jedi. Bane simply responds to the effect that KAAAAN!!! is an idiot, and that the Brotherhood will fail. Qordis has a hissy fit, and storms out.
Chapter 20
Bane crawls back into bed, and is awoken some time later by Githany. Bane admits that he was foolish in not killing Sirak, and Githany asks him if he left the Academy so he wouldn't have to face her. He replies no, he left because everyone was congratulating him for notkilling Sirak. She easily convinces him to accompany her to the archives, where Sirak and his lackeys outflank Bane.
Githany laments Bane's foolishness in accompanying her. He challenges her, asking if this is what she wants, reminding her that he is stronger than Sirak, who is now igniting his lightsaber with his lackeys. Sirak also calls Bane an idiot, reminding him that the odds are 4 to 1, and Bane doesn't have his saber. He turns his back on Sirak and accuses Githany of actually luring Sirak into a trap. And you know what? He's right.
Sirak tries to skewer Bane, but he dodges easily while he catches his lightsaber, tossed over by Githany. He uses the Force to shove one of Sirak's lackeys away, and Githany quickly finishes her off. He forces the other lackey back, and Githany burns out one of his eyes and slashes his throat. Seeing that he is severely outmatched, Sirak drops his lightsaber and surrenders. He pleads for mercy, to which Bane has only one response:
"Those who ask for mercy," he answered coldly, "are too weak to deserve it."
And he decapitates Sirak. Githany asks Bane if he saw her take his lightsaber, and he smugly responds that he was just guessing what she was up to. Then she starts getting excited about returning to Ruusan to fight the Jedi. Bane simply responds that Kaan is an idiot. She starts defending her boss, and Bane tells her that he knows a place where they can truly learn the dark side. She insists she'd rather go crush the Jedi, so Bane leaves her behind, and goes for Qordis.
Bane kicks Qordis's door in upon arrival. Dude should really think about a door of the non-kickable variety. Bane accuses Qordis of sending Sirak after him, and lets him know that Sirak and his lackeys are all dead. Qordis gets all shrill about Bane killing other Sith on the verge of their departure for Ruusan.
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| "YOU ARE TEARING ME APAAHRT, BANE!" |
"Someone here once told me the Darth title was no longer used because it promoted rivalry among the Sith. It gave the Jedi an easy target. It was easier just to abandon the custom. To have all the Sith Masters use the same title of Dark Lord."
He raised his voice slightly, speaking loud enough for all to hear. "But I know the truth, Qordis. I know why none of you claims that name for yourself. Fear. You’re cowards."
He half turned and looked back at Qordis. "None of the Brotherhood is worthy of the Darth title. Least of all you."
Bane's response is simple and badass.
"It's Darth Bane."
Chapter 21
Hey, let's check in on the Jedi!
General Hoth, who if you recall looks like he probably hails from the planet Hyperborea:
Hey, let's check in on the Jedi!
General Hoth, who if you recall looks like he probably hails from the planet Hyperborea:
Um....
Well, uh......I guess the Jedi repealed Don't Ask Don't Tell? Especially considering his name is Valenthyne Farfalla. Seriously. His name is an alternative spelling of Valentine. He must have a redeeming feature, right?
He had long, flowing curls of golden hair that hung down past his shoulders. The breastplate of his armor was also gold, buffed and polished until it gleamed before every battle. It was trimmed with bright red sleeves and adorned with rubies that matched thecolor of his eyes and contrasted with his pale skin.
Lord Hoth found him insufferable. Farfalla was a loyal servant of the light, but he was also a vain and prancing fool who spent more time selecting his wardrobe before each battle than he did planning strategy.
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| And oh good lord, he's a satyr to boot. |
Ok, you know what? I refuse to call him by his name. It's even dumber than the names in Death Troopers. And so, in the grand tradition of renaming dumb characters after MST3K staples, and considering he has goat legs, ol' Farfalla is now Jedi Master Torgo. Congratu-fuckin-lations.
Anyway, Hoth is a little butthurt that not more of the Jedi have rallied to his banner. Torgo criticizes his lack of diplomacy on the matter, and Hoth's response is a simple "We shouldn't have to persuade Jedi to fight goddamned Sith."
He's kinda got a fucking point.
Pernicar tries to act peacemaker, telling Hoth that the majority of the Council feel that the Brotherhood would probably turn against each other if they didn't have the Army of Light to fight against.
Actually, Pernicar's got a point as well.
Torgo argues that the Jedi's first job is to protect the Republic, and the battles on Ruusan are just prolonging a conflict that is all too often getting civilians hurt.
Fuck Torgo.
Hoth is mainly concerned because he knows that the Sith are getting the students from Korriban. And these are pretty advanced Force users as well. Torgo intimates that some Jedi are viewing the battles for Ruusan as a feud between Hoth and Kaan. For the record, at no point is it ever intimated in the book that Hoth and Kaan had any contact prior to Ruusan....so I have no idea why they'd be in the middle of a grudge match.
Torgo then volunteers to leave Ruusan on a mission to gather Jedi reinforcements. Hoth begins massaging a headache that Torgo is giving him. Probably the damn theme music. Hoth gives permission mostly just to get rid of the prancing idiot. Hoth then decides to change tactics from straight up fighting to a series of guerilla raids on the Sith until they find out if they're going to get any reinforcements.
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| No, guerilla warfare. Although this would be pretty awesome. |
Just in orbit around Korriban, Githany is leading the Sith transports to the surface. She's flying under radar, which is causing Qordis to damn near shit himself in terror.
These really are the worst Sith ever.
They land, and are greeted by Kaan, who is apparently looking even more deranged than ever. As such, Githany starts to wonder if Bane might have had a good fucking point. However, he quickly starts using the Force to spark some inspiration in the arriving troops.
Kopecz shows up and asks Qordis where Bane is, and gets extremely frustrated when he finds out that no one actually has any goddamned clue where he went.
Where did he go, you ask? A little world called Lehon, but you may know it as the Unknown World, home of the Rakata and major plot point of Knights of the Old Republic.
They land, and are greeted by Kaan, who is apparently looking even more deranged than ever. As such, Githany starts to wonder if Bane might have had a good fucking point. However, he quickly starts using the Force to spark some inspiration in the arriving troops.
Kopecz shows up and asks Qordis where Bane is, and gets extremely frustrated when he finds out that no one actually has any goddamned clue where he went.
Where did he go, you ask? A little world called Lehon, but you may know it as the Unknown World, home of the Rakata and major plot point of Knights of the Old Republic.
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| However, don't expect any Rakata to show up here. |
Apparently, after the events of KOTOR, there were so few of the Rakata left that they couldn't maintain the species, and, well, Darwin happened.
The reason Bane has come here is because he believes that when Revan blew the Star Forge to kingdom come, he released a massiveamount of Dark Side energy, which saturated the planet to some extent. Although you wouldn't know it from looking at it. Let's compare and contrast. Byss was Palpatine's vacation spot, and it looked like this:
While Lehon was Revan's, Malak's, and now Bane's vacation spot, and has been implied to be the birthplace of the first Dark Side users, and it looks like this:
But Bane knows that before he can put the Rule of Two into action, there's one more stepping stone: The Brotherhood of Darkness has to be utterly purged.
At that point, his train of thought is interrupted by Kas'im. Bane is disappointed it's not Githany. Bane, I have a word for you: masturbation.
Kas'im offers Bane Kaan's ultimatum: join us or die. Bane briefly toys with the idea of making Kas'im his apprentice and sparing him from the coming purge, but Kas'im begins to parrot Kaan's philosophy, so Bane resigns himself to having to destroy his most trusted teacher.
As the battle begins, Bane realizes that Kas'im never gave his all in their training sessions, because he's having trouble keeping up with him. Although Kas'im acknowledges that Bane has improved as well. Eventually, the battle changes sides, with Bane on the offensive and Kas'im on the defensive. Kas'im realizes that while he is still superior with the lightsaber, Bane is just plain better with the Force.
The battle dead-ends into a room with no exit, and Kas'im is able to get the advantage back, by surprising Bane with the fact that his double-bladed lightsaber comes apart in the middle, giving him two sabers. During training, Kas'im had told his students that two-saber style was useless.
Bane is now back on the defensive and in full retreat, mentally acknowledging that Kas'im has him beat with the saber. Eventually the battle ends up outside, Bane on the ground outside the temple, and Kas'im standing under the archway at the entrance. Kas'im tells Bane that it would be better for Bane were he to just let it end now. Bane agrees, reaches out through the Force, and collapses the fucking temple on Kas'im's head.
Chapter 24
Bane makes his way back to his ship, considering how to get Kaan and the others out of his way. He decides the trick is subtlety and deception, seeing as while Kaan might be pretty good at the latter, he sucks balls at the former. Upon arrival at their ships, Bane loots Kas'im's for everything of value, and programs a message drone for Kaan..with an added bonus (more on that later).
Back on Ruusan, Hoth and Pernicar are leading a supply team back to their camp when they're ambushed. Pernicar is killed early in the fight, and Hoth fights the urge to give in to the Dark Side to avenge his friend. However, his ass is saved soon after by the arrival of Torgo. Torgo tells Hoth that they thought he could use an escort, but Hoth retorts that there are two other teams that need support. Torgo counters that he already has some of his reinforcements en route to help them.
Torgo then can't help but point out that Hoth should be a little more grateful at the promised arrival of a large division of reinforcements, and Hoth bites out that while Torgo was gone, many Jedi were killed. Hey, Hoth, um, this is a fucking war you know?
Torgo notices Pernicar among the fallen, says some quick goodbyes to him, and tries to show sympathy for Hoth's loss. Hoth gets all up in Torgo's face, screaming about how he's been fighting the Dark Side, and tells Torgo...and this is a direct quote:
Torgo leaves, but calls back that Hoth is virtually jumping down the road to the Dark Side.
Githany arrives at Kaan's place for a report: she was out with one of the ambush parties and managed to take down another group of Jedi. Kaan is happy, because his spies have already told him that Hoth and Torgo are having a lover's quarrel. Kaan thinks of them as "Force-users of the Twilight, caught between light and dark and belonging to neither."
Kaan tells Githany that Kas'im is dead now, and she reacts with shock at the news that Bane slaughtered him. He then plays the recording Bane sent him. In it, Bane does a pretty good impersonation of himself when he could no longer touch the Force on Korriban, saying that he's no longer sure of his course, and wants to join the Brotherhood. Githany considers the message, and thinks its genuine. She states however, that it could still be a trap, and volunteers to go kill Bane.
After she leaves, Kaan looks at Bane's "peace offering": instructions on a Sith ritual called a Thought Bomb. Dumb name, but very effective; The Thought Bomb unleashes the Dark Side in its purest form, and is pretty much the Force equivalent of an a-bomb with a damaged fuse. The fucker could annihilate both sides if not handled carefully. Kaan initially thinks the damn thing is too dangerous to use, but he can't stop looking at it.
Proving once again that Kaan is the dumbest fucking Sith of all goddamned time.
Chapter 25
So now we're on the planet Ambria, formerly home of Jedi Master Thon:
Who notably took a "dark side infestation" and somehow was able to confine it to a single lake. Don't ask me, it was in Tales of the Jedi, so you can blame Kevin J. Anderson for that too. Anywho, it's now a pretty insignificant world, which makes it a good place for Bane to meet Kaan's envoy. While he waits, he's sunning himself next to the Dark Side Lake and meditating on his new Rule of Two, and where he's going to find a suitable apprentice. Almost immediately, Githany lands and tells Bane that she volunteered to meet him. Bane immediately pops a boner, and asks Githany if she saw the message. She admits she did, and admonishes him for more weakness. Bane plays along at first, but Githany tells him she knows he's jerking them around to some extent.
And apparently this is a turn on, because they start making out. After a moment, Bane tastes poison on her lips, and finds the attempted treachery even more of a turn on, so he uses the Dark Side to purge it from his system, and goes back in for more. After that, she starts trying to lure him back to Kaan's side. Bane flat out tells her that even if Kaan is winning on Ruusan currently, the Republic has crushed the rest of his forces. Githany points out that for someone wanting back in, Bane's being a pretty big buzzkill. Again, this turns Bane on, so he starts making out with her again.
Bane purges this latest dose of poison and admits that he's up to something. Githany looks amused and tells Bane that Kaan is going to find out sooner or later that some members of the Brotherhood are more equal than others. This really turns Bane on, and he damn near starts doing her right there. Githany tells Bane that she'll go ahead to tell Kaan that he's coming. As she flies away, she thinks about the other poison she slipped him, that was mixed with the other stuff she put on her lips. Also, she admits she'll kinda miss the big lug when he's gone.
Bane watches her fly off, and considers his plan. He figures Kaan is going to start losing soon again, and out of desperation will use the thought bomb to try to wipe out the Jedi, and only succeed in wiping out both sides. But he knows he has to make an appearance on Ruusan to make sure that everything goes according to his plan. And that's when the other poison hits. Bane starts coughing up blood, blood starts weeping out of the corners of his eyes, out of his ears...he's starting to look like one of the plague victims from Outbreak.
As such, he starts making for a healer's camp that Bane has heard is nearby, because the other poison has somehow sapped his ability to purge it. On the way, he passes some scavengers, and kills them for some sweet sweet dark side power to keep going. I don't really get that either.
Chapter 26
Back on Ruusan, Hoth can't sleep. He's just pissed over the fact that the war against the Brotherhood has gone on for two years now, he has the blood of thousands of Jedi on his hands by association. And the rest of his army is picking up on it, thinking that Torgo is right, Hoth's losing it. He briefly considers just giving up, but feels that it would be dishonoring those already killed in his quest.
He wonders just what he's supposed to do, and in response gets a visit from his dead friend Pernicar. He tells Pernicar that he could really use his advice right now, and gets told off for not listening to Pernicar when he was alive. So Hoth asks Pernicar why he's here then, and is told to suck it up and make peace with Torgo.
In the morning, Hoth leaves his tent, determined to call Torgo and apologize, but instead one of Torgo's people is already waiting for him.
Bane is still truckin across Ambria, but his body is slowly giving out. He's not pissed at Githany, that's one part of him that isn't leaking blood yet, and it's probably doing all his thinking at this point. Except he's still obsessing over the Rule of Two, and how if he dies, the Sith will probably die with him.
The healer, Caleb, can hear or sense Bane's truck arriving. He thinks of how he's turned away both Jedi and Sith in search of healing because he wants nothing to do with either side.
He watches Bane approach him, and tells him he won't cure him. Bane puts his hand on the hilt of his lightsaber, and in response Caleb tells him that pain means nothing to him, and to prove his point, he shoves his arm into a cauldron of boiling water. Yeaaaah, that'll show Bane. Bane considers his situation, probes Caleb slightly with the Force, and determines that while Caleb's resolve is strong...he's hiding something. Bane marches into Caleb's hut, finds a young girl huddled in terror. Bane can't help but smile as he grabs her with the Force by the ankle, and holds her over the cauldron. Naturally, Caleb pusses out at this point and starts healing Bane of the poison.
After Caleb is done, Bane takes off. He decided not to kill Caleb or the daughter because he might need them again sometime. According to Bane, random murder without gain was for petty fools, and after all, Bane's long-term goal is to wipe out the fools.
Chapter 27
Bane arrives at the stalemate orbiting Ruusan. The Jedi can't land any reinforcements because the Sith have cordoned off the planet, and if the Sith fleet breaks ranks to attack, then the Jedi can begin landing troops. Bane however lands with little difficulty, because that's how he rolls. But just to be safe, he sensor-stealths his ship because he wants to surprise Kaan. He lands a few kilometers away from the main Sith camp, and passes over a recent battlefield occupied by the dead, the dying, and the native bouncers of Ruusan.
Bane passes near a dying Sith, who recognizes Bane from the Academy. The Sith groans out that Kaan told them he was dead, in response, Bane lets his presence speak for him. The Sith goes on to talk about how "glorious" the battle was. To that, Bane only laughs and states that glory is useless to the dead. He tries to leave, and the Sith feebly grabs for Bane, saying "Help me, Lord Bane."
Bane simply corrects him, "My name is Darth Bane.", and promptly curbstomps the guy's head into a pulp in a single blow. Nice.
Kaan meanwhile is having a siesta, thinking again about the idea of possibly surviving the mutually assured destruction promised by the thought bomb.
Githany shows up and tells him the other Sith are ready for the next briefing. When he arrives in the meeting area, all the Sith rise in respect to him, except Kopecz, who's finally figured out that Kaan is completely full of shit. Kaan starts the briefing by informing the gathered lords that the Jedi are now hiding in the woods, and once they wipe them out, blah, blah, blah. He tries to go on with a battle plan, when a shadow falls across his map.
Oh yeah, shit is about to go down.
Kaan is understandably stunned, as is Githany. Bane asks if anyone minds if he takes a seat, and dismissively waves at Kaan to continue his briefing. Kaan gets out about twelve words for his next strategic thrust when Bane cuts him off angrily for not thinking like a Sith. He gets right up in Kaan's face and whispers that he was surprised that Kaan was able to find a pair in order to orchestrate the attempt on his life. Kaan stutters out a denial, and Bane waves that off too. He points at the map, and makes his point very clear.
As the Sith scramble to follow Bane's instructions for a ritual, Githany brings Bane some food. He playfully asks her if she's going to try poisoning him again. She says that Kaan is afraid that Bane has arrived to take over, and she thinks that's what he's up to as well. Bane asks her if it was her idea to poison him or Kaan's. She admits it was hers, but she manipulated Kaan to make him think it was his idea. Then she states that she was wrong to not go with Bane, and vows that she will follow his lead from here on.
A vow which lasts about....45 minutes. If that.
Chapter 28
Bane gathers the Sith onto a plateau with a great view of the forests that Hoth is using as cover. Bane stands at the middle of a circle while the rest of the Sith meditate and begin drawing on the Dark Side. Slowly an electrical storm builds around the plateau. And if you thought Bane was fucking awesome before, this next set of lines just goddamned cements it:
Hoth meanwhile is damn near shitting his pants at whatever the fuck is going on. So are the rest of the Jedi. They're like a pack of animals in the minutes before an earthquake. Everyone looks at him for guidance, and the only thing he can offer is an order to hit the fucking bricks, as the Force Storm that Bane and the others have summoned starts annihilating the forest around them.
Bane is loving every second of it, so much that he's unconsciously risen about 5 meters into the air. And suddenly he crashes down...because Kaan broke the circle. Kaan states that now the Jedi are in the open and can be mowed down from the air, and the Sith scramble to join him. Githany tries to get Bane to come along because "This way is more fun."
And at that point, Bane decides that she's been corrupted by Kaan's idiocy too far and is going to have to die too.
As he goes to join the other Sith, Kopecz admits that Bane scares the crap out of him. Bane then heads back to the main Sith camp. Upon arrival, he's approached by Qordis, who offers Bane his allegiance in taking over the Brotherhood. If Bane were anybody else, right now he'd be pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. Qordis goes on to state that many of the Sith look to him for guidance and wisdom still, which finally pushes Bane over the edge. He rips through Qordis's defences and hefts him up with the Force. He tells Qordis that his "wisdom" is what's fucked up everything for the Sith, which is why he needs to wipe them all out and start over from scratch. Qordis asks Bane to be able to fight him with his lightsaber and die with honor.
At which point, Bane simultaneously shatters every fucking bone in Qordis's body, and unceremoniously dumps his corpse on the ground. He then enters Kaan's tent, and radios the Sith fleet, ordering it to engage the enemy.
At the battle, Hoth and the Jedi are losing badly. Kaan thinks to himself that he can't help but admire the Jedi's bravery, solidifying his position as Worst. Sith. Ever. He angles his little flier dealy that he's cruising on to take out Hoth, when a blast knocks him off course. Torgo's reinforcements have been able to arrive. Immediately, the Sith fall into retreat, Kaan cursing both them and the Jedi the whole way as he follows suit.
Chapter 29!
Ok, so Torgo just pulled Hoth's ass out of the fire. Hoth, despite generally being either homo or faun-phobic is actually glad to see the prancing little sissy. He expresses surprise that Torgo was able to break through, and is told that the Sith fleet engaged instead of doing the bright thing, which would be to hold position. They decide that the Sith have started turning against each other as they usually end up doing.
Kaan arrives back at his base, and man is he pissed. All the other Sith are staring at him in a state of confusion and panic, but he ignores them because he wants to know what the bloody fuck is going on in orbit. As he storms to his tent, he doesn't notice the blood nearby, from where Bane decided off-camera that it might be prudent to stash Qordis's corpse. When he arrives in his tent, he finds Bane sitting there, booted feet on the table, picking his teeth with a shard of the urn that held Kaan's mother's ashes (ok, I made those last two up. But wouldn't it be awesome?) Bane innocently asks Kaan why he's back so soon, but quickly divulges rather casually that he ordered the blockade to engage the Jedi. Kaan demands to know why, and Bane responds that he wanted all the Jedi on Ruusan at once...or at least all the Jedi in the system. Also, just taking out Hoth is not sufficient for Bane, he's after something bigger. Kaan responds that he knows what Bane is after, control of the Brotherhood.
At this point, its everything Kaan can do to keep from physically attacking Bane. Not with a lightsaber, actually trying to throttle him. Good thing he didn't because we should all remember what happened the last time someone unarmed attacked Bane. (Hint: Ptui!)
Bane implies that he intends to use the thought bomb to wipe out the Jedi, and offers Kaan the opportunity to swear loyalty to him or die right now. Kaan frantically scrambles for a third option, and decides to go for broke and try to use Force Persuade on Bane to fix things. After all, he's got nothing to lose at this point. While applying pressure to Bane's mind he hints that the other Lords are too wary of Bane after his Force Storm ritual, and that demanding the Brotherhood's fealty would simply turn them against Bane...especially if Kaan lets slip that Bane was the one who let Torgo's reinforcements land. Bane staggers and clutches at his head, and suddenly agrees with Kaan. Kaan tells Bane that he will lead the Sith into a cave system where Hoth will follow, and there Kaan will detonate the thought bomb.
Bane gets all excited at this point and volunteers to head to the caves right away. Kaan tells him, no, Bane should remain here until after the ritual has wiped out the Jedi, then he will come for Bane with the rest of the Brotherhood. Kaan thinks he's being rather clever at this point. Bane kneels in subservience to Kaan, until Kaan leaves the tent at least.
Yep. Fucker just got played.
Back at the Jedi camp, they've discovered that those Bouncer things have by far and large been driven insane by the Sith Force Storm, and as such, the Jedi have issued orders that any Bouncers encountered be put down mercifully. (Foreshadowing ahoy!) Torgo tells Hoth that they've spotted the Sith on the move towards a series of caves. Hoth thinks that Kaan is making a tactical mistake, and Torgo offers to set up a siege of the caves to starve 'em out. (Because that's the Jedi way.) Hoth agrees that that would be the best idea, but he knows that Kaan is likely up to some kind of fuckery, and orders that the Jedi pursue them.
Chapter 30!
So the Sith are in the caves, and Kaan has just told them about the thought bomb. Except Githany thinks something is very wrong. For one, Kaan is looking crazier than usual, and for two, she's realizing that the thought bomb is a fucking dumb idea of last resort. Unfortunately, as the Sith organize into a circle, Kaan himself grabs her hand, turning her chance of simply slipping away unnoticed to about zero. Kopecz has also realized that standing at ground zero of this thing is a fucking dumb idea, and is able to slip away into the tunnels. Githany finds her hands freed as the rest of the Sith raise their arms to the center of the circle they've formed, and decides on the better part of valor. Unfortunately, she's not familiar with the cave system, and is hopelessly lost.
Torgo has just finished dealing with the Sith defenders outside the caves when he finds Kopecz, and some deeper relationship between the two is hinted at. Torgo offers to help him, but Kopecz instead tells Torgo to promise him death, and in exchange he'll tell Torgo what Kaan is up to. Torgo promises, Kopecz spills his guts, and then they waste precious time in a duel. Seriously. Torgo finds out that the Sith are attempting some kind of doomsday weapon and takes the time to actually duel, instead of doing something fucking productive.
Chapter 31!
Torgo runs and tells Hoth what Kaan is up to. Hoth recognizes the name of the ritual, and realizes that they need to do something before they're all killed. Actually, no. Hoth wants Kaan to detonate it on Ruusan, as opposed to somewhere like Coruscant. So instead, Hoth gathers 100 volunteers to join him in the caves as they force Kaan's hand. Torgo wants to go, but Hoth won't let him because he's the second in command now.
Hoth selects his volunteers, and tells everyone else to fucking book. He enters the cave, and quickly finds the Sith. He and Kaan exchange some banter before Kaan claps his hands, and detonates the thought bomb. Everything in the cave, people and stalactite/mites are instantly annihilated.
Somewhere else in the tunnels, Githany is cursing Kaan for being a lunatic, herself for being a halfwit, and Bane for being an asshole and not warning her. She gets about 50 meters away from an exit when the shockwave of the thought bomb hits her. Instead of being vaped instantly...well, I'll let this image speak for me.
On the surface, Torgo feels the ground shake under him, and realizes that Hoth is dead. And then they're hit with the death screams of both the Jedi and Sith caught in the blast, but only for a minute, because all their souls are now locked in stasis until time fucking stops. Torgo orders a team to start checking the tunnels for any remaining Sith, and if any Bouncers are seen, shoot to kill.
Bane meanwhile does a little victory jig. Nah, not really. But he's pleased that his plan worked, and that he is now the last of the Sith in the galaxy. But, there's a hitch. Without an apprentice, he can't begin the new work involved in the Rule of Two.
Epilogue!
Elsewhere, but nearby, a young girl nicknamed Rain wakes up to a Bouncer warning her. Somehow, Rain had used the Force to protect this one from going insane like the others. It says goodbye just as a pair of Jedi exit some woods, spot the Bouncer, and following orders shoot the fucking thing dead. They run to check on her, but she lashes out with the Force and snaps their necks.
And that's where Bane finds her. He stands looking at her for a moment, then she stand and looks at him. He asks her name, she replies that her real name is Zannah, Rain was a nickname she had that she doesn't think she'll use anymore. Bane nods in understanding and asks her if she knows who he is. She replies yeah, he's a Sith, but she's not afraid because even if he's a killer, well, she's a killer too now.
And they walk into the sunset....
Which one looks more menacing to you?
Anywho, Bane lands on the planet, meets a rancor almost immediately, and quickly sublimates it to his will and makes it his new ride. He scours its memory, finds an image of a temple, and rides off for it.
Anywho, Bane lands on the planet, meets a rancor almost immediately, and quickly sublimates it to his will and makes it his new ride. He scours its memory, finds an image of a temple, and rides off for it.
Chapter 22
About an hour later, Bane arrives. Apparently, the Dark Side is so strong at the temple that it's like working with spray paint in a confined space with no ventilation after you've done a major hit of weed.
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| "Whoa Whoa whoa, back up there...where is this planet???" |
Bane enters the temple, but realizes that like the tombs on Korriban, it's been looted dry. But maybe not? Apparently there's still a locus of Dark Side energy somewhere. After a few hours of searching, Bane finds a symbol he doesn't recognize that glows when he looks at it. He touches the symbol, and a secret panel opens to reveal a Sith Holocron.
For the record, apparently while Jedi Holocrons are cubes, Sith ones are pyramids. No idea why, and it doesn't matter overmuch to the plot, however the author does make a point of saying this, and I think KOTOR 2 backs him up on it. Anyway, Bane wonders if this Holocron could actually predate the Sith and be a relic of the Rakata, so he sets it down, sits in front of it, and turns it on. And instead of a Rakata, or even a Prawnperson it's....
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| "I am Darth Revan, Dark Lord of the Sith." |
Oh yeah, now we're getting somewhere. Bane thinks so too, because he starts laughing hysterically. The actual contents of the Holocron are glossed over for the most part, a lot of rituals, but Bane dutifully writes everything down.
Back on Ruusan, Githany wakes up from a dream/vision of Bane coming to Ruusan and wiping the fuck out of the Brotherhood. Good on him, and I hope he does it fucking quick. However, Githany is a moron and still believes in the Brotherhood, so she decides to tell Kaan. When she enters his tent he doesn't notice her and looks crazier than ever. When Kaan finally notices Githany, he quickly composes himself and uses the Force to manipulate her into thinking he's actually all that and a bag of chips. She tells Kaan of the vision, and actually apologizes for Bane not being stupid enough to fall for Kaan's bullshit. She then tells Kaan that she's pretty sure where Bane is.
Back on Ruusan, Githany wakes up from a dream/vision of Bane coming to Ruusan and wiping the fuck out of the Brotherhood. Good on him, and I hope he does it fucking quick. However, Githany is a moron and still believes in the Brotherhood, so she decides to tell Kaan. When she enters his tent he doesn't notice her and looks crazier than ever. When Kaan finally notices Githany, he quickly composes himself and uses the Force to manipulate her into thinking he's actually all that and a bag of chips. She tells Kaan of the vision, and actually apologizes for Bane not being stupid enough to fall for Kaan's bullshit. She then tells Kaan that she's pretty sure where Bane is.
After she leaves, the narration confirms that while Kaan is strong in the Force, he's pretty much only good at three things: Battle Meditation, Motivational Speaking, and being a complete and utter asshat who is completely aware that the Brotherhood is hanging on by the skin of its teeth. Deciding that Bane needs to be dealt with one way or the other, he approaches Kas'im and orders him to either convince Bane to join them, or kill him.
Chapter 23
We pick up with Bane being the good student for Darth Revan. Despite his (canon) switch to the light side, the dude's little finger was a better Sith than the assholes in the Brotherhood.
Meanwhile, Kas'im arrives on Lehon, and he's surprised that Bane didn't turn off the homing beacon on Qordis's ship. He interprets it as Bane not being afraid of anyone following him. He quickly detects Bane through the Force, takes off after him, and has to take out a rancor on the way.
Bane is meditating in the temple, going over Revan's words in his head. He considers how all the major Dark Lords fell into a trap of numbers: Sadow, Exar Kun, all of them trained multiple apprentices and were annihilated for it. While the Jedi are focussed solely on defeating the Sith, the Sith always have their minds on not only the fight against the Jedi, but they have to keep watching their backs for constant infighting and betrayal. He always thought Kaan was an idiot, but Bane feels that Revan's teachings have proven it.
At that point, Bane now has his revelation. The solution is not more Sith who are all equal. The answer is fewer Sith, with a very definite division in rank.
Chapter 23
We pick up with Bane being the good student for Darth Revan. Despite his (canon) switch to the light side, the dude's little finger was a better Sith than the assholes in the Brotherhood.
"The dark side offers power for power’s sake. You must crave it. Covet it. You must seekpower above all else, with no reservation or hesitation."After some more of this type of philosophy, we get to the heart of the matter. Revan tells Bane that each Sith Master must have only one student, not only to prevent an alliance among apprentices to overthrow the Master, but to concentrate the strength of the Dark Side among the priviledged few. Bane can't help but shake his head in disgust at the way the Brotherhood does things in comparison. Eventually the Holocron loses power, and Bane destroys it so that no one can learn its secrets from anyone but him.
Meanwhile, Kas'im arrives on Lehon, and he's surprised that Bane didn't turn off the homing beacon on Qordis's ship. He interprets it as Bane not being afraid of anyone following him. He quickly detects Bane through the Force, takes off after him, and has to take out a rancor on the way.
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| "Been there. Do it with a rock, and we'll talk." |
At that point, Bane now has his revelation. The solution is not more Sith who are all equal. The answer is fewer Sith, with a very definite division in rank.
Minions and servants could be drawn in to the service of the dark side by the temptation of power. They could be given small tastes of what it offered, as an owner might share morsels from the table with his faithful curs. In the end, however, there could be only one true Sith Master. And to serve this Master, there could be only one true apprentice.And so Bane gives birth to the Rule of Two: Two there should be; no more, no less. One to embody the power, the other to crave it.
But Bane knows that before he can put the Rule of Two into action, there's one more stepping stone: The Brotherhood of Darkness has to be utterly purged.
At that point, his train of thought is interrupted by Kas'im. Bane is disappointed it's not Githany. Bane, I have a word for you: masturbation.
Kas'im offers Bane Kaan's ultimatum: join us or die. Bane briefly toys with the idea of making Kas'im his apprentice and sparing him from the coming purge, but Kas'im begins to parrot Kaan's philosophy, so Bane resigns himself to having to destroy his most trusted teacher.
As the battle begins, Bane realizes that Kas'im never gave his all in their training sessions, because he's having trouble keeping up with him. Although Kas'im acknowledges that Bane has improved as well. Eventually, the battle changes sides, with Bane on the offensive and Kas'im on the defensive. Kas'im realizes that while he is still superior with the lightsaber, Bane is just plain better with the Force.
The battle dead-ends into a room with no exit, and Kas'im is able to get the advantage back, by surprising Bane with the fact that his double-bladed lightsaber comes apart in the middle, giving him two sabers. During training, Kas'im had told his students that two-saber style was useless.
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| God I'm gonna miss this guy. |
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| "Why, yes, I am awesome." |
Bane makes his way back to his ship, considering how to get Kaan and the others out of his way. He decides the trick is subtlety and deception, seeing as while Kaan might be pretty good at the latter, he sucks balls at the former. Upon arrival at their ships, Bane loots Kas'im's for everything of value, and programs a message drone for Kaan..with an added bonus (more on that later).
Back on Ruusan, Hoth and Pernicar are leading a supply team back to their camp when they're ambushed. Pernicar is killed early in the fight, and Hoth fights the urge to give in to the Dark Side to avenge his friend. However, his ass is saved soon after by the arrival of Torgo. Torgo tells Hoth that they thought he could use an escort, but Hoth retorts that there are two other teams that need support. Torgo counters that he already has some of his reinforcements en route to help them.
Torgo then can't help but point out that Hoth should be a little more grateful at the promised arrival of a large division of reinforcements, and Hoth bites out that while Torgo was gone, many Jedi were killed. Hey, Hoth, um, this is a fucking war you know?
Torgo notices Pernicar among the fallen, says some quick goodbyes to him, and tries to show sympathy for Hoth's loss. Hoth gets all up in Torgo's face, screaming about how he's been fighting the Dark Side, and tells Torgo...and this is a direct quote:
Get away from me! Take your blasted reinforcements and run back to Coruscant like the mincing cowards you are! We don’t need your kind here!And there we have it. Proof positive that the Jedi hate the gays.
Torgo leaves, but calls back that Hoth is virtually jumping down the road to the Dark Side.
Githany arrives at Kaan's place for a report: she was out with one of the ambush parties and managed to take down another group of Jedi. Kaan is happy, because his spies have already told him that Hoth and Torgo are having a lover's quarrel. Kaan thinks of them as "Force-users of the Twilight, caught between light and dark and belonging to neither."
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| Truer words have never been spoken. |
After she leaves, Kaan looks at Bane's "peace offering": instructions on a Sith ritual called a Thought Bomb. Dumb name, but very effective; The Thought Bomb unleashes the Dark Side in its purest form, and is pretty much the Force equivalent of an a-bomb with a damaged fuse. The fucker could annihilate both sides if not handled carefully. Kaan initially thinks the damn thing is too dangerous to use, but he can't stop looking at it.
Proving once again that Kaan is the dumbest fucking Sith of all goddamned time.
Chapter 25
So now we're on the planet Ambria, formerly home of Jedi Master Thon:
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| Yes, along the Tree People, and the Prawn People, we now have the....dinosaur people who are not the Ssi-ruuk. |
And apparently this is a turn on, because they start making out. After a moment, Bane tastes poison on her lips, and finds the attempted treachery even more of a turn on, so he uses the Dark Side to purge it from his system, and goes back in for more. After that, she starts trying to lure him back to Kaan's side. Bane flat out tells her that even if Kaan is winning on Ruusan currently, the Republic has crushed the rest of his forces. Githany points out that for someone wanting back in, Bane's being a pretty big buzzkill. Again, this turns Bane on, so he starts making out with her again.
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| He is such a dream-boat! |
Bane watches her fly off, and considers his plan. He figures Kaan is going to start losing soon again, and out of desperation will use the thought bomb to try to wipe out the Jedi, and only succeed in wiping out both sides. But he knows he has to make an appearance on Ruusan to make sure that everything goes according to his plan. And that's when the other poison hits. Bane starts coughing up blood, blood starts weeping out of the corners of his eyes, out of his ears...he's starting to look like one of the plague victims from Outbreak.
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| However, neither Darths Hoffman or Spacey are available. |
Chapter 26
Back on Ruusan, Hoth can't sleep. He's just pissed over the fact that the war against the Brotherhood has gone on for two years now, he has the blood of thousands of Jedi on his hands by association. And the rest of his army is picking up on it, thinking that Torgo is right, Hoth's losing it. He briefly considers just giving up, but feels that it would be dishonoring those already killed in his quest.
He wonders just what he's supposed to do, and in response gets a visit from his dead friend Pernicar. He tells Pernicar that he could really use his advice right now, and gets told off for not listening to Pernicar when he was alive. So Hoth asks Pernicar why he's here then, and is told to suck it up and make peace with Torgo.
In the morning, Hoth leaves his tent, determined to call Torgo and apologize, but instead one of Torgo's people is already waiting for him.
Bane is still truckin across Ambria, but his body is slowly giving out. He's not pissed at Githany, that's one part of him that isn't leaking blood yet, and it's probably doing all his thinking at this point. Except he's still obsessing over the Rule of Two, and how if he dies, the Sith will probably die with him.
The healer, Caleb, can hear or sense Bane's truck arriving. He thinks of how he's turned away both Jedi and Sith in search of healing because he wants nothing to do with either side.
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| Smug conscientious objectors are the worst kind of objectors. |
After Caleb is done, Bane takes off. He decided not to kill Caleb or the daughter because he might need them again sometime. According to Bane, random murder without gain was for petty fools, and after all, Bane's long-term goal is to wipe out the fools.
Chapter 27
Bane arrives at the stalemate orbiting Ruusan. The Jedi can't land any reinforcements because the Sith have cordoned off the planet, and if the Sith fleet breaks ranks to attack, then the Jedi can begin landing troops. Bane however lands with little difficulty, because that's how he rolls. But just to be safe, he sensor-stealths his ship because he wants to surprise Kaan. He lands a few kilometers away from the main Sith camp, and passes over a recent battlefield occupied by the dead, the dying, and the native bouncers of Ruusan.
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| Ok Drew, you're fucking with me at this point, aren'tcha? |
Bane simply corrects him, "My name is Darth Bane.", and promptly curbstomps the guy's head into a pulp in a single blow. Nice.
Kaan meanwhile is having a siesta, thinking again about the idea of possibly surviving the mutually assured destruction promised by the thought bomb.
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| "It could work!" No it couldn't you crazy fuck. |
Oh yeah, shit is about to go down.
Kaan is understandably stunned, as is Githany. Bane asks if anyone minds if he takes a seat, and dismissively waves at Kaan to continue his briefing. Kaan gets out about twelve words for his next strategic thrust when Bane cuts him off angrily for not thinking like a Sith. He gets right up in Kaan's face and whispers that he was surprised that Kaan was able to find a pair in order to orchestrate the attempt on his life. Kaan stutters out a denial, and Bane waves that off too. He points at the map, and makes his point very clear.
"Don't just fight in the forest.....destroy the forest!!"
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| Bane to nature: "FUCK YOU!" |
A vow which lasts about....45 minutes. If that.
Chapter 28
Bane gathers the Sith onto a plateau with a great view of the forests that Hoth is using as cover. Bane stands at the middle of a circle while the rest of the Sith meditate and begin drawing on the Dark Side. Slowly an electrical storm builds around the plateau. And if you thought Bane was fucking awesome before, this next set of lines just goddamned cements it:
"Do you feel invincible? Invulnerable? Immortal? Can you feel it?? ARE YOU READY TO KILL A WORLD?!?!?"
Hoth meanwhile is damn near shitting his pants at whatever the fuck is going on. So are the rest of the Jedi. They're like a pack of animals in the minutes before an earthquake. Everyone looks at him for guidance, and the only thing he can offer is an order to hit the fucking bricks, as the Force Storm that Bane and the others have summoned starts annihilating the forest around them.
Bane is loving every second of it, so much that he's unconsciously risen about 5 meters into the air. And suddenly he crashes down...because Kaan broke the circle. Kaan states that now the Jedi are in the open and can be mowed down from the air, and the Sith scramble to join him. Githany tries to get Bane to come along because "This way is more fun."
And at that point, Bane decides that she's been corrupted by Kaan's idiocy too far and is going to have to die too.
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| It's really the best thing I could think of to summarize the situation. Except replace "bros" with Dark Side I guess. |
"Honor is for the living. Dead is dead."
At which point, Bane simultaneously shatters every fucking bone in Qordis's body, and unceremoniously dumps his corpse on the ground. He then enters Kaan's tent, and radios the Sith fleet, ordering it to engage the enemy.
At the battle, Hoth and the Jedi are losing badly. Kaan thinks to himself that he can't help but admire the Jedi's bravery, solidifying his position as Worst. Sith. Ever. He angles his little flier dealy that he's cruising on to take out Hoth, when a blast knocks him off course. Torgo's reinforcements have been able to arrive. Immediately, the Sith fall into retreat, Kaan cursing both them and the Jedi the whole way as he follows suit.
Chapter 29!
Ok, so Torgo just pulled Hoth's ass out of the fire. Hoth, despite generally being either homo or faun-phobic is actually glad to see the prancing little sissy. He expresses surprise that Torgo was able to break through, and is told that the Sith fleet engaged instead of doing the bright thing, which would be to hold position. They decide that the Sith have started turning against each other as they usually end up doing.
Kaan arrives back at his base, and man is he pissed. All the other Sith are staring at him in a state of confusion and panic, but he ignores them because he wants to know what the bloody fuck is going on in orbit. As he storms to his tent, he doesn't notice the blood nearby, from where Bane decided off-camera that it might be prudent to stash Qordis's corpse. When he arrives in his tent, he finds Bane sitting there, booted feet on the table, picking his teeth with a shard of the urn that held Kaan's mother's ashes (ok, I made those last two up. But wouldn't it be awesome?) Bane innocently asks Kaan why he's back so soon, but quickly divulges rather casually that he ordered the blockade to engage the Jedi. Kaan demands to know why, and Bane responds that he wanted all the Jedi on Ruusan at once...or at least all the Jedi in the system. Also, just taking out Hoth is not sufficient for Bane, he's after something bigger. Kaan responds that he knows what Bane is after, control of the Brotherhood.
At this point, its everything Kaan can do to keep from physically attacking Bane. Not with a lightsaber, actually trying to throttle him. Good thing he didn't because we should all remember what happened the last time someone unarmed attacked Bane. (Hint: Ptui!)
Bane implies that he intends to use the thought bomb to wipe out the Jedi, and offers Kaan the opportunity to swear loyalty to him or die right now. Kaan frantically scrambles for a third option, and decides to go for broke and try to use Force Persuade on Bane to fix things. After all, he's got nothing to lose at this point. While applying pressure to Bane's mind he hints that the other Lords are too wary of Bane after his Force Storm ritual, and that demanding the Brotherhood's fealty would simply turn them against Bane...especially if Kaan lets slip that Bane was the one who let Torgo's reinforcements land. Bane staggers and clutches at his head, and suddenly agrees with Kaan. Kaan tells Bane that he will lead the Sith into a cave system where Hoth will follow, and there Kaan will detonate the thought bomb.
Bane gets all excited at this point and volunteers to head to the caves right away. Kaan tells him, no, Bane should remain here until after the ritual has wiped out the Jedi, then he will come for Bane with the rest of the Brotherhood. Kaan thinks he's being rather clever at this point. Bane kneels in subservience to Kaan, until Kaan leaves the tent at least.
Yep. Fucker just got played.
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| Pictured: Just enough rope. |
Chapter 30!
So the Sith are in the caves, and Kaan has just told them about the thought bomb. Except Githany thinks something is very wrong. For one, Kaan is looking crazier than usual, and for two, she's realizing that the thought bomb is a fucking dumb idea of last resort. Unfortunately, as the Sith organize into a circle, Kaan himself grabs her hand, turning her chance of simply slipping away unnoticed to about zero. Kopecz has also realized that standing at ground zero of this thing is a fucking dumb idea, and is able to slip away into the tunnels. Githany finds her hands freed as the rest of the Sith raise their arms to the center of the circle they've formed, and decides on the better part of valor. Unfortunately, she's not familiar with the cave system, and is hopelessly lost.
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| Not a spelunker. |
Chapter 31!
Torgo runs and tells Hoth what Kaan is up to. Hoth recognizes the name of the ritual, and realizes that they need to do something before they're all killed. Actually, no. Hoth wants Kaan to detonate it on Ruusan, as opposed to somewhere like Coruscant. So instead, Hoth gathers 100 volunteers to join him in the caves as they force Kaan's hand. Torgo wants to go, but Hoth won't let him because he's the second in command now.
Hoth selects his volunteers, and tells everyone else to fucking book. He enters the cave, and quickly finds the Sith. He and Kaan exchange some banter before Kaan claps his hands, and detonates the thought bomb. Everything in the cave, people and stalactite/mites are instantly annihilated.
Somewhere else in the tunnels, Githany is cursing Kaan for being a lunatic, herself for being a halfwit, and Bane for being an asshole and not warning her. She gets about 50 meters away from an exit when the shockwave of the thought bomb hits her. Instead of being vaped instantly...well, I'll let this image speak for me.
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| Haha! DIE YOU BITCH! |
Bane meanwhile does a little victory jig. Nah, not really. But he's pleased that his plan worked, and that he is now the last of the Sith in the galaxy. But, there's a hitch. Without an apprentice, he can't begin the new work involved in the Rule of Two.
Epilogue!
Elsewhere, but nearby, a young girl nicknamed Rain wakes up to a Bouncer warning her. Somehow, Rain had used the Force to protect this one from going insane like the others. It says goodbye just as a pair of Jedi exit some woods, spot the Bouncer, and following orders shoot the fucking thing dead. They run to check on her, but she lashes out with the Force and snaps their necks.
And that's where Bane finds her. He stands looking at her for a moment, then she stand and looks at him. He asks her name, she replies that her real name is Zannah, Rain was a nickname she had that she doesn't think she'll use anymore. Bane nods in understanding and asks her if she knows who he is. She replies yeah, he's a Sith, but she's not afraid because even if he's a killer, well, she's a killer too now.
And they walk into the sunset....
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| BUT DARTH BANE WILL RETURN IN "RULE OF TWO"! |
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